Justice League was an American animated television series based on the associated comic book series published by DC Comics, featuring their most popular characters.
== Season One ==
=== Secret Origins ===
J. Allen Carter: [on Mars] Would you look at that? A little slice of Heaven.
Ed Reiss: If your idea of Heaven is a barren, lifeless rock.
J. Allen Carter: You have the soul of a poet.
Ed Reiss: Carter, we didn't come for the view. Our mission here is purely scientific. Are you getting any readings?Superman: Medic!
Medic: [wheeling a stretcher over to where Superman is landing] What happened?
Superman: I'm not sure. [Superman lays Batman, unconscious, on a stretcher and flies away. The medic takes his pulse, then reaches for his mask.]
Batman: [grabbing her wrist] Don't even think about it.Martian Manhunter: I came to warn you, but I was captured and imprisoned. They wouldn't listen.
Batman: Big surprise.
Martian Manhunter: I sense you don't trust me. Perhaps this will help. [after changing to a more human form] I am J'onn J'onzz.
[He offers his hand to Batman, who just stands there.]
Superman: Don't take it personally, J'onn. He doesn't trust anyone.
Martian Manhunter: [dryly] A wise policy.Flash: Whoa! Where have you been all my life?
Wonder Woman: Themyscira.
Hawkgirl: The home of the Amazons. I always thought it was merely a legend.
Wonder Woman: I assure you, it's as real as the ground on which we stand on. I am Diana, Princess of the Amazons.
Flash: Pinch me, I must be dreaming. (Superman elbows him) Ow!Wonder Woman: So, J'onn J'onzz, you came from Mars to warn us?
Flash: This is just too weird.
Green Lantern: I've seen stranger things.Flash: What's the problem? Can't you just whip up another batch of that nerve gas?
Martian Manhunter: Unfortunately, no. The gas can only be made from a rare Martian plant. I brought a sample with me, but it was destroyed when I was captured.
Flash: Uh, what's Plan B?Green Lantern: Lady, this is no job for amateurs.
Wonder Woman: We Amazons are warriors born! Want to test me?
Superman: Lets not fight among ourselves. John, we're going to need all the help we can get.
Green Lantern: Fine. Sorry, "your highness". Tactically, we'll have multiple objectives. We'll need to split into teams.
Flash: Dibs on the Amazon! (cut to Flash and Green Lantern) You are no fun!Superman: Are you always so eager to fight?
Hawkgirl: My homeworld, Thanagar, is a war-like world. There, one must strike first or die.Imperium: You're hiding something. A secret in the recesses of your mind. Is this another of your Martian tricks?
Martian Manhunter: Do I sense fear?[The League is in the watchtower for the first time.]
Superman:[looking out the window] Incredible...Do your stockholders know about this Bruce?
Batman: A line item hidden in the aerospace R&D budget.Superman: I once thought I could protect the world by myself, but I was wrong. Working together, we saved the planet, and I believe that if we stay together as a team, we could be a force that could truly work for the ideals of peace and justice.
The Flash: What, like a bunch of... super friends?
Superman: More like a Justice League.
The Flash: You have no idea how corny that sounds.Batman: I'm not really a people person. But, when you need help - and you will - call me.
=== In Blackest Night ===
Martian Manhunter: Wonder Woman is on another case, Superman's dealing with an earthquake and Batman would only say that he's "busy".
Hawkgirl: Typical.(Hawkgirl has just critically damaged an attacking ship)
Hawkgirl: What? (Superman flies off to prevent the ship from crashing) Oh, that.[Flash catches Hawkgirl after getting thrown]
Flash: Aren't you gonna thank me?
Hawkgirl: Down, boy.Flash: Asking the fastest man alive to slow things down? Won't be easy.Third Judge: We don't want any doubt about our final judgement, do we?
Second Judge: No, we don't. But who will speak for John Stewart?
Flash: Don't you have any lawyers here?
Chief Judge: We solved our lawyer problem a long time ago.
Third Judge: However, you could speak for him, if you wish.
Second Judge: But be aware, if you lose, you'll share the same penalty as the accused.
Flash: The same penalty? You mean... that's crazy!
Chief Judge: No, that's how we solved our lawyer problem.Flash: [buying time defending Green Lantern] Ahem. Right. Sure. But first, I'd like to say a few words about... about habeus corpus. Yeah, habeus corpus! And ipso... facto! Phi Beta Kappa!... [still defending Green Lantern] Have you asked yourself, "why this rush to judgment?" If the ring wasn't lit, you must acquit, and furthermore...Flash: Uh, looks like we've got a surprise witness.
Prosecutor: Surprise witness? He was nowhere near the crime, what kind of witness could he be?
Flash: A big scary one.Prosecutor: How much more must we hear? We demand an immediate judgment!
Flash: I object!
Judges: [in unison, clearly irritated] OVERRULED!Flash: I'm sorry. I did everything I could.
Green Lantern: I wish you hadn't.
Flash: [being moved toward the execution chamber] Whoa, time out! I want an appeal!
Green Lantern: Will you show some dignity for once in your life?
Flash: This isn't right. We can't just sit here.
Green Lantern: We have to. Think of the others like us. We all need to be held accountable. We have too much power not to be.Green Lantern: In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might, beware my power: Green Lantern's light!!Guardian: We chose wisely when we offered you the ring.
=== The Enemy Below ===
Superman: You know, all this could have been avoided.
Superman: Come and air your grievances at the World Assembly. Negotiate for peace.
Aquaman: You'd have me crawl to them like some beggar?
Superman: No. Stand before them like a king.Green Lantern: We never should have left that sub down there. Now it's in the hands of that madman.
Wonder Woman: Aquaman's no madman. He's a king. He only wants to preserve and protect his own kind.
Green Lantern: So who's going to protect us from him?Batman: I'll take it from here. [takes Deadshot away from the group]
Deadshot: You can't scare me, Batman.
Batman: [grabbing him] Let me give you one word of advice...
[Batman whispers something indistinct.]
Deadshot: Okay, I'll tell, I'll tell.
Wonder Woman: [to Superman] What did he say?
Superman: You don't want to know.
[N.B. In an interview, Kevin Conroy said that the words he whispered during the recording session were "I know where you live, Floyd."][Aquaman jumps off of a jetski and onto the back of a giant killer whale, which jumps through the air and lands on a large group of soldiers before submerging.]
Green Lantern: I saw it, but I still don't believe it.Orm: Well, I'm off to avenge your deaths.Superman: His own hand... I can't believe it.
Green Lantern: I told you he was a madman.
Mera: Is it madness to sacrifice all for someone you love?Batman: There's not much time. If we can't shut that down, the entire world is doomed!
Green Lantern: I suppose this is a bad time to say "I told you so."
=== Injustice For All ===
Martian Manhunter: [to Luthor] So much for your image as a benevolent businessman. This is the end of an era.
Lex Luthor: The end of your era, maybe.Superman: Lex, if there's anything I can do--
Lex Luthor: You've done more than enough.[Luthor interrupts the Ultra-Humanite's opera program]
Lex Luthor: Humanite! How can you stand that caterwauling?!
Ultra-Humanite: Music is one of the meager pleasures I'm allowed in here, along with a few other necessities. You should try the culture channel. It might improve your disposition.
Lex Luthor: There's nothing wrong with my disposition that a little freedom wouldn't cure.
Ultra-Humanite: That's not what I hear.
Lex Luthor: ... I need your help. And I can make it worth your while.
Ultra-Humanite: What do I need with money?
Lex Luthor: Everyone needs money. The only question is, how much?Hawkgirl: I'm used to being thanked when I save someone.
Batman: I'm not used to being saved.Star Sapphire: Common criminals. Is this what I've been reduced to?
Lex Luthor: Criminals, yes. But common? Most certainly not.
Shade: Lex Luthor? Well, the plot thins.Flash: And I had those flames out before the firemen even stepped off their trucks.
Hawkgirl: That's fast.
Flash: Fastest man alive.
Hawkgirl: Which might explain why you can't get a date.
Flash: Yeah... Hey! What's that supposed to mean?[Luthor is knocked back during the battle with the Justice League]
Ultra-Humanite: There goes our paycheck. [catches him] I'd hate to see anything happen to you, Lex.
Lex Luthor: I'm sure![About Copperhead, who was captured after biting Batman]
Superman: I'm going down to interrogate him.
Batman: Alright. Let's go.
Superman: No, you're staying here. That venom almost killed you.
Superman: SO, you're staying here.
Batman: [watches Superman leave] Right. [sits up and removes wrist IV][Batman, recovering from being poisoned, is typing at a computer.]
Martian Manhunter: You really should be resting. [Batman keeps typing] I know this must be hard for you, feeling vulnerable. You're the only one of us without special powers, but you don't need to prove yourself. You're a valued member of this team, and we're only trying to--
Batman: [Gets up] I'm taking the shuttle. Unless you want to try and stop me.
Martian Manhunter: [pauses] No. [moves out of the way][After the Injustice Gang fail to defeat the Justice League]
Lex Luthor: "The best at what you do". What was I thinking?!
Cheetah: We did everything we could.
Lex Luthor: Did you? Did you fight like your lives depended on it? Did you fight to the last man?
Shade: You get what you pay for, Luthor.
Lex Luthor: Are you saying you want MORE money? You want to be rewarded for failure? I oughta take the whole bunch of you and--
Solomon Grundy: [grabs him around the neck] And what?!
Lex Luthor: Go ahead! Do it! You'll be saving me months of bedpans and feeding tubes! And you'll also guarantee that none of you will ever see a penny from me!
Solomon Grundy: [pauses, then drops Luthor] You're crazy.
Joker: [entering] And what's wrong with that? It's done wonders for me!
Lex Luthor: [annoyed] Get out of here!
Joker: Oh, Lexy, I'm hurt! How could you have this little party without inviting me?
Lex Luthor: It's not a party. Grundy, get rid of him.
[Grundy moves towards Joker only to be knocked out by him]
Joker: But seriously Lex, you need me.
Lex Luthor: Like I need skin rash.
Joker: Maybe so, but I know something you don't know: I know how the Bat thinks!Joker: Lex, Lex, listen to someone who KNOWS. [whispering and pointing to Luthor's gun] Don't wait. Do it now.
Lex Luthor: You don't like my decisions? Leave! [pushes him away]
Joker: And they say I'm crazy.[Superman and Flash interrogate Copperhead]
Copperhead: I keep telling you, I don't know anything! I'm just...
Superman, Flash and Copperhead: ... "an innocent victim of circumstances".
Flash: Yeah, yeah, we know.
[Superman grabs Copperhead and pushes him against a wall]
Superman: Copperhead, when are you going to get some sense and tell us where Luthor is?!
Copperhead: [not intimidated] Oooh, this must be the part where I get so scared, I spill my guts (!)
Superman: I'm warning you...
Copperhead: What are you gonna do, boy-scout? Short my sheets? Give me a wedgie?
Superman: [drops Copperhead, and turns to two guards] Take him back to a holding cell.
Copperhead: [being taken away] Hasta la vista! [hisses]
Flash: [sarcastically] That went well.
Superman: How does Batman do it?[Cheetah is supposed to be guarding Batman, but they end up talking about her past]
Batman: So what happened then?
Cheetah: My research opened up whole new worlds. There was so much to do...
Batman: But so little funding.
Cheetah: You know about that?
Batman: You didn't have enough for research subjects, so you used yourself.
Cheetah: And now I'm a freak.
Batman: That's not what I see. I see someone who was willing to sacrifice everything for a cause she believed in.
Cheetah: [softens] How do you know so much about me?
Batman: Let's just say, cats aren't the only creatures who are curious.
Cheetah: [sidles up to him] Too much curiosity can be dangerous.
Batman: Maybe I like danger.
Cheetah: Do you?
Batman: [whispers] Try me.
[She kisses him][While Cheetah "guards" Batman]
Joker: She's been down there too long...
Lex Luthor: Forget it. There's no way I'm going to leave you alone with him.
Joker: But, Lexy, where's your sense of fun? Besides, it won't cost you a cent![Luthor stumbles, clutching his heart]
Shade: Maybe we should get paid now...Lex Luthor: [as the villains desert him] No! We can still win if we lure them here! I have a plan, but we've got to stick together.
Solomon Grundy: Grundy not THAT dumb.Joker: Hello, Kitty! [knocks Cheetah out with a high-voltage joy-buzzer] And they say I'm not a team player.Lex Luthor: [attacking Superman with Kryptonite radiation] Why so surprised, Superman? It's a basic rule of business: turn every weakness into a strength. Of course, that's a lesson you won't live to appreciate.
Ultra-Humanite: Neither will YOU, Lex. [electrocutes him from behind]
Lex Luthor: [dazed] Et tu, Humanite? [passes out]Joker: Whoopsie! Time to run. But there is still one unfinished piece of business...Joker: No fair! How did you get free?!
Batman: I could have escaped any time. But I thought I'd hang around to keep an eye on you clowns. [punches Joker]
Joker: [dazed] You're dethpicable!
[Joker passes out. The corner of Batman's mouth turns up in a slight smile.]
=== Paradise Lost ===
Wonder Woman: I've got you little sister.
Cassie: You're not my sister!Wonder Woman: (practicing for her return to Themyscira) "You look more radiant than ever, Mother..". No. (tries again) "Gone, Mother? I didn't go anywhere. I was in my room... alone... for eight months..". Definitely not. (tries again) "The world was in peril! Would you have me stand by and do nothing...?" Hera give me strength...Wonder Woman: I am Diana, Princess of the Amazons! I won't be denied!Flash: Picture it - The sun. The sea. Hundreds of women just like her running around, and me: the first man they've seen in... oh, maybe forever. Oh, and look what I brought: Iced mochas for everyone! Sweet.
Martian Manhunter: I fail to see the attraction.
Flash: Man, you really are from Mars.
Martian Manhunter: Perhaps we should concentrate on finding the relic.
Flash: No problem. (Flash grabs the crystal, speeds into the temple, and returns carrying the pot with the relic) See? That was easy. (a giant, fire breathing snake emerges from the ground) Or not!Wonder Woman: [walking through a mall] It's like some kind of temple.
Superman: Yes, for those who worship their credit cards.Batman: He swore revenge on those that mocked him, and several later disappeared under mysterious circumstances.
Wonder Woman: I have a pretty good idea what happened to them.
(Points to three stone faces with horrified looks)
Flash: EW!Batman: Don’t touch that!
(Energy blast goes off and Batman drops to the floor to dodge it)
Batman: Don’t touch anything! We don’t know what kind of powers we’re dealing with.
(The rest of The League quickly drops what they’re holding before Batman turns around)[Descending to the gateway to Tartarus]
Flash: Ugh - what's that smell?
Wonder Woman: Don't ask.Felix Faust: Thank you for your assistance. But now that your usefulness is over...Petropa kis--WHAT?!
(Flash runs past and steals the amulet)
Flash: You're not the only one with an ace up your sleeve.
Felix Faust: W-what is this?
(Batman swings in and knocks Faust to the ground)
Hippolyta: You brought men here? To Themyscira?!Wonder Woman: What did you ever see in him?
Hippolyta: Ancient history.
=== War World ===
Mongul: Rebellion? There's not going to be any rebellion. Not if I can keep giving them fights - good ones. Enough to take their minds off their troubles.Draaga: Shall I spare him my lord?
Mongul: What say the rest of you. (Crowd jeers) The people have spoken. LONG LIVE DEMOCRACY!Draaga: Pathetic. The whole lot of you. Not a real warrior in the bunch. And you, the Kryptonian, you're the biggest disappointment of all. (Spits on Superman and walks away. Superman breaks out of his chains)
Alien: Why didn't you do that when Draaga was here?
Superman: It's called "turning the other cheek."Alien: I don't know if he's brave or just plain crazy.Green Lantern: Relax. All we want is information about our friends. You can talk to me... [points to Hawkgirl] Or you can talk to her. [Hawkgirl slaps her mace into one hand]Mongul: Are you ready, Kryptonian?
Superman: I won't fight for your amusement, Mongul.Superman: Draaga, we don't have to do this!
Draaga: You don't have a choice - neither of us does.[Security robots are attempting to destroy Superman as the crowd (and the Martian Manhunter) look on.]
Martian Manhunter: No! The Kryptonian won! Don't you want to see him fight again?
Spectator: I gotta admit, he's a real champ!
Martian Manhunter: He's more than that - he's a Superman!Mongul: Hear what they think of their new hero now? Game over!
Green Lantern: Not yet. We're going into overtime.Superman: You've earned a chance for a whole new life.
Draaga: What's life without honor? I'm not worthy.
Superman: Draaga, the real test of honor isn't how you die. It's how you live.
=== The Brave And The Bold ===
Flash:Easy boy. We'll have you back behind monkey bars before we know it.
Solovar: Get your stinking paws off me, you filthy human!
Flash:Say what?!!!Flash: I can't think - I'm tired and hungry...
Detective: Maybe some coffee will help. How do you take it?
Flash: Cream and 37 sugars. [the detective starts, then looks at him incredulously] Really.Flash: Let's see, after I caught the gorilla, he told me that...
Green Lantern: He talked to you?
Flash: Yeah, right after I stopped his car.
Green Lantern: I'm supposed to believe this?
Flash: Hey, we've both got a Martian's phone number on our speed dial. I think I deserve the benefit of the doubt here.Grodd: (after punching Flash) That's for the banana. I hate bananas.(Green Lantern blasts Solovar)
Solovar: Was that really necessary?
Green Lantern: Okay, so he can talk.Flash: Weird. Am I the only one creeped out here? Where is everyone?
Solovar: Perhaps the shield frightened them.
Flash: Could be. But usually, when a city looks this empty, flesh-eating zombies are involved.
Green Lantern: You watch too many movies.
(Promptly afterwards, they hear a large crowd ranting)
Flash: Maybe you don't watch enough!Dr. Sarah Corwin: [fires at Flash, only to suddenly find him next to her] How...
Flash: You blinked.Gorilla Grodd: My apologies for the hasty exit, but I have a city to destroy!Gorilla Grodd: People of Central City! The age of hairless, simple-minded humanity is over! Today, a new age dawns. Today, Grodd rules.
[Crowd cheers] Humans are slow, ugly, immoral, and have an unpleasant body odor!
Flash: Hey, who you calling slow?!
Green Lantern: Flash, don't heckle the super villain.Solovar: Flash! I can't hold them off much longer!
Flash: How much do you weigh?
Solovar: About four hundred of your pounds. Why do you aAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!!!Grodd: You're a bigger fool than I thought.
Flash: Oh yeah?! Well, you're... naked!
Grodd: [preparing to don his helmet] The world will miss your sparkling intellect. Goodbye, Flash.Flash: Not bad, huh? I outsmarted a super-genius!
Green Lantern: Guess you're not as dumb as you look.
Flash: Yeah! and I... Hey, I resent that! Nobody makes a monkey out of me!
=== Fury ===
Copperhead: I like her style.
Shade: A definite improvement over Luthor.Saleswoman: It's the latest scent! Wear this, and you'll have to beat the men off with a stick.
Wonder Woman: Believe me - I don't need a stick.Batman: So this Aresia is not really an Amazon?
Hawkgirl: She's an orphan. It's hard to imagine what that kind of trauma could do to a child.Wonder Woman: Amazons don't steal. It's against our code. And we never leave the island.
Batman: Never?Hawkgirl: But who wants to live in a world without men?
Wonder Woman: They can't possibly be that essential to your life.
Hawkgirl: Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, Princess.Aresia: You fools! Don't you see? We're not your enemy, it's the men! They must be destroyed.
Hippolyta: You're wrong Aresia. Without men, you wouldn't still be here. After your ship sank, you must have lost consciousness as you drifted on your makeshift raft. You would surely have drowned had the ship's captain not found you and pulled you to safety. Valiantly he struggled to keep you alive until he brought you to the shores of Themyscira. But the effort was too much for his heart. His final resting place is a simple, unmarked grave. He's the only man ever buried on Themyscira. So you see, for all your hatred of men, it turns out you owe your life to one.
Aresia: ...Why didn't you ever tell me about this?
Hippolyta: I didn't think it was important. [ashamed] I didn't think he was important.
Hawkgirl: Maybe it's time to reconsider that.Wonder Woman: If only Aresia could have learned to see the noble qualities of men.
Flash: [eating a donut] I definitely could have taught that bad babe a thing or two about guys. Too bad we never met. [washes it down with a soda; burps]
Wonder Woman: Maybe it's... just as well.
=== Legends ===
Sergeant O'Shaugnessy: Music Master! Put up your hands and drop the Stradivarius!
Music Master: Sorry, Sergeant - I don't take requests.Hawkgirl: [strained, to Black Siren] So, you fight crime AND bake cookies. How DO you do it?Green Lantern: I know it sounds corny, but those comics taught me what it meant to be a hero. Without them... well, maybe I wouldn't have this ring today.
Flash: Oh-KAY.[Hawkgirl walks by with a tray of cookies.]
Flash: Hey, Cookie.
Hawkgirl: One word and you'll be the fastest man alive WITH A LIMP.Ray Thompson: Can I come? Can I? Can I?
Martian Manhunter: I would hesitate to put the boy in harm's way.
Cat Man: Sure thing, little buddy!
Ray Thompson: Oh, boy!Streak: Obviously the clue "fire" can mean only one thing. The plan to steal the fabled Flame of Rasputin. A precious ruby necklace on loan to the Seaboard City Museum!
Green Lantern: You know your stuff. It's an honor to fight beside you.
Streak: The feeling's mutual. You're a credit to your people, son.
Green Lantern: Uh... thanks?Flash: Is it just me, or are they the only cops in this town?Streak: [after Sir Swami escapes] A pity he uses his talents for evil, rather than entertain children at birthday parties.Music Master: This calls for a little travelling music.Music Master: Badaba to the fat lady - may she keep on singing!Dr. Blizzard: If you'll excuse me, Mr. Mayor, but I'll be taking off with my "chill" gotten gains.
Flash: Chill out, Blizzard. We're putting you on ice!
Dr. Blizzard: Forgive me if I give you the cold shoulder.Flash: Like I said, you never had a snowball's chance in-
Black Siren: Flash, look!
[Flash sees a truck full of dynamite on a collision course with a bus full of nuns, who gasp and cross themselves.]
Flash: You've gotta be kidding.Dr. Blizzard: Ha! You can't escape my killing chill.
Flash: I'm just getting warmed up!The Sportsman: What's this? New player? No matter, watch the birdie.
[Explosion throws Catman forward]
The Sportsman: Game, Set, Match.Flash: That's it. I officially want to go home.[The Justice Guild watch as Ray brutally attacks and defeats the Justice League]
Black Siren: WAIT! What if J'onn's right? That means that stopping Ray could destroy this world and everything in it!
[The Justice Guild linger for a moment, wondering what to do.]
Streak: We died once to save this Earth. And we can do it again.
[The Justice Guild attack Ray]
Ray Thompson: What is this!?
Tom Turbine: In Seaboard City, crime doesn't pay.
Ray Thompson: You can't! I made you!
Justice Guild in unison: Let justice prevail!Hawkgirl: Are you okay?
Green Lantern: It's stupid really - why should I feel like this? I mean, they weren't even real.
Hawkgirl: They gave their lives for us. That's real enough for me.
=== A Knight Of Shadows ===
Jason Blood: Gone, gone the form of man. Rise the demon Etrigan!Etrigan: For the past generation she has hidden from me, but I will never rest until her soul burns in the Eternal Pit.
Flash: And I thought Bats was creepy.Etrigan: The witch has an amulet which can sense when I'm drawing near.
Flash: With that stench, who needs an amulet?Etrigan: Heed me. She will tap into your deepest desires, and dangle them like a carrot in front of your nose. She will give you everything you dream of - but only until she gets what she wants.
Batman: The voice of experience?
Etrigan: [grumbles] Don't say I didn't warn you.Morgaine le Fey: [after draining the Hall of Records clerk of her life energy] Youth is so wasted on the young. [looks around at the computers] Don't these people believe in books anymore?Etrigan: I still don't trust that Martian. He's damaged goods.
Batman: I trust J'onn with my life.
Etrigan: I'll send flowers.[Flash and Wonder Woman try to get into Harv Hickman's Halloween party]
Flash: Harv Hickman? The magazine publisher?
Wonder Woman: You know his work?
Flash: I, uh, only read it for the articles.Flash: [elbowing through crowd] Sorry, official world-saving business.
Bouncer: Are you on the list?
Wonder Woman: This is an emergency. We're with the Justice League.
Bouncer: Heh. Sure, lady. [gestures to costumed party-goers, some dressed as superheroes] So are they.Martian Manhunter: [to Batman] I know what I experienced was an illusion, but it felt so real. The urge to embrace it was more than I could bear. Sometimes I believe I would do anything to see my loved ones again. You can't imagine how that feels.Wonder Woman: Let me understand this - you possess the most powerful object in the world, and yet all you wished for is money and women?
Harv Hickman: What else is there?(chatting up the two models at the Hickman Mansion)
Flash: Superman? Yeah, he's a close personal friend...(Diana bursts into the grotto)
Wonder Woman: Morgaine's here!
(A giant worm rears up behind them)
Flash: Yeah, I kind of gathered that.[After Morgaine le Fey successfully uses the Martian Manhunter to steal the Stone from the Watchtower]
Etrigan: You stupid, ignorant, pathetic excuses for heroes!
Wonder Woman: It can't be....
Etrigan: Oh, really, your highness?! Take another look! I pursued that witch for centuries, and yet you've blindly ignored my warnings and doomed the world!
Wonder Woman: Enough! [slaps him]
Etrigan: [rubs jaw] The truth hurts, doesn't it, Princess?
Wonder Woman: Why don't you go straight to--
Flash: [rushing in] More bad news!Flash: [putting the Philosopher's Stone in the Watchtower vault] Ha. I'd like to see her try and get it now.
Etrigan: Be careful what you wish for, little man.
Flash: Well, aren't you a ray of sunshine? As far as I'm concerned, this mission's over. The world's safe again and I for one am gonna kick back. So go find some other house to haunt! (leaves)
Wonder Woman: He didn't mean that.
Etrigan: Do you think I care?Flash: [After teleporting through dimensions] Ding! Fifth floor, hardware, sporting goods, evil sorceresses!Wonder Woman: Flash is right. There's something unsettling about your friend. When he stares, it's like he's looking into my very soul.
Batman: True. But I'd rather have him with us than against us.Modred: Get out of my castle! (Fires blasts at Flash and Wonder Woman)
Flash: Whoa, the kid's got chops too.
Wonder Woman: The rotten apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
=== Metamorphosis ===
Oil Driller: 870 feet. We drill much deeper, and we'll hit New Zealand.Rex Mason: Still in uniform, I see - though it's not exactly standard Marine corps issue.
Green Lantern: I signed up with a new unit.
Rex Mason: So I heard.Rex Mason: Working for an outfit like Stagg Enterprises does have its perks..
John Stewart: No kidding.
Rex Mason: But so must wearing that ring. A big hero like you makes a fortune on the side, right?
John Stewart: Mmm... it doesn't work like that. I've hardly got more than the clothes on my back.
Sapphire Stagg: (appearing) Well then, we simply must take you shopping.Green Lantern: I've never thought much about the choices I've made. Maybe if I'd taken the other road, I'd be where Mason is now. Rich, successful...
Hawkgirl: (wryly) And engaged to a beautiful woman?
[He grins at her]Bank Robber: [riding in armored car, sees Justice League] Uh-oh. Long-Johns at 10:00.Sapphire Stagg: No wonder he always looked up to you.
John Stewart: Me? He's the one who had it made.
Sapphire Stagg: No. He watches you on the news all the time. He still misses it—being in action, saving people's lives. I think he'd trade places with you in a minute.
=== The Savage Time ===
Superman: Prepare the landing bay. We’re coming in.
Batman: Just when I was starting to enjoy the peace and quiet.
Superman: Same old Bats.Stormtrooper: Let's see your identity papers. Now!
Flash: Sorry, but my identity's a secret. Chicks dig that whole "man of mystery" thing.Flash: Bats, you're starting to scare me.
Alternate Batman: I scare a lot of people.Alternate Batman: The resistance might be able to use you, but you're going to have to prove we can trust you.
Green Lantern: Are you kidding? You've known us for years!
(Bruce takes a gun from one of his soldiers and points it at Lantern's face without a flicker of expression)
Alternate Batman: You must have me confused with someone else.(On a speeding train, the League are all thrown into a pile)
Hawkgirl: Whose hand is that?
Flash: Sorry.Martian Manhunter: You understand that if we do change the past, you - this version of you - will never have existed?
Alternate Batman: Nothing would make me happier.(The League arrives in the past, in the German-occupied France)
Flash: Great Jumpin' Hera!Superman: [about the Blackhawks] Friends of yours?
Hawkgirl: They are now.Vandal Savage: [seeing Martian Manhunter] Who would have thought the Übermensch would be green?
Martian Manhunter: Übermensch?
Vandal Savage: The superior man. Those destined to lead the world.
Martian Manhunter: I thought that was your goal.
Vandal Savage: My only desire is peace, progress, unity...
Martian Manhunter: With you in charge, of course.
Vandal Savage: Why not?Vandal Savage: I'm not from the future... [gestures to a laptop computer] but this is. Sixty years from now, it will be a child's toy. But today, it's the most powerful weapon on Earth.Martian Manhunter: (observing the recording of Vandal Savage's future self) You age gracefully.
Vandal Savage: You have no idea.Vandal Savage: Knowing the future, how can I not succeed?
Martian Manhunter: I've seen your future. It doesn't work.Wonder Woman: You're a strange one, Steve Trevor. You have no special powers, yet you're willing to risk your life here. Aren't you afraid of dying?
Steve Trevor: Some things are worth dying for, Angel.Green Lantern: I've got a plane to catch!
Sgt. Rock: You can't stop 'em single-handed!
Green Lantern: Watch me!Green Lantern: You're not going anywhere!
Vandal Savage: You think you can kill me? You're welcome to try.Green Lantern: Say your prayers, Savage!
Vandal Savage: A god doesn't grovel.Green Lantern: What took you?
Hawkgirl: I had to fix my hair.Superman: Batman! It’s really you! [hugs him]
Batman: ...Am I missing something?
Superman: Sorry, it’s just that... well, it’s a long story.[Wonder Woman goes to visit an elderly Steve Trevor]
Wonder Woman: Steve?
Steve Trevor: [smiling] Angel.
== Season Two ==
=== Twilight ===
Martian Manhunter: I was just thinking... you, me, Wonder Woman, Superman - we are all of us orphans and exiles.
Hawkgirl: Maybe we should call ourselves the "Just Us League."Desaad: You knew going into that sector was a violation of our treaty with New Genesis.
Darkseid: It was a calculated risk. You have served me well, General. Take as many of them with you as you can.
Steppenwolf: (stares for a second then bows) As you command, my lord.Highfather: We know of your mad ambitions, Darkseid. This is your final warning: break the treaty again and you will be destroyed.Desaad: It was a fool's errand. (Darkseid is angered) Uh, what I mean to say is...
Darkseid: No one questions me, Desaad. (Darkseid vaporizes Desaad) No one.Kalibak: Father! Father, do you see?!
Darkseid: Be still, fool. I'm not blind.
Kalibak: But what is it?
Darkseid: It's death.Darkseid: Even as we speak, Apokolips is being assimilated by the Kryptonian menace known as Brainiac.
Superman: You're lying. I destroyed him.
Darkseid: Apparently, he is harder to kill than you realized.[Darkseid informs Superman that Brainiac is still alive and is now attacking Apokolips]
Darkseid: You know his pattern, Kal-El. Once he's finished siphoning the memory banks and technology of my planet...
Superman: He'll annihilate it. Good.Hawkgirl: So what are you saying? You'd sacrifice millions of lives just because you don't like this guy?
Superman: You don't know Darkseid like I do.
Batman: We know he used you, humiliated you, brainwashed you, wound you up like a tin soldier and turned you loose against Earth. [Gets right up in Superman's face] Cry me a river. On the outside chance that this isn't one of his schemes, we have to take action - so I suggest you get over it.
Martian Manhunter: Brainiac has already destroyed countless civilizations, and now he threatens another. Do you want this to be the legacy of your people?Wonder Woman: Let me get this straight: Orion is Darkseid's own son?
Batman: New Genesis and Apokolips have been at war for centuries. Apparently, Darkseid and Highfather exchanged sons as part of some kind of peace treaty... (Wonder Woman looks at Batman) Sounds wacky to me, too.Wonder Woman: Who are you?
Forager: They call me Forager.
Batman: Do you know someone named Orion?
Forager: Orion! I am just an unworthy Bug; Orion is a god who is far above us.
Wonder Woman: You're too modest. You've shown courage, compassion...
Forager : No, no, you don't understand! All the gods are far above us. (Points up into the sky towards Supertown)
Batman: I'm gonna need a longer grapple.Brainiac: Welcome, Kal-El. Once I offered you the chance to join me in carrying on the legacy of Krypton. Today, I renew that offer.
Superman: You must be joking.
Brainiac: Why do you reject your great heritage? The entire history of your planet, its knowledge and splendor, its awe and mystery are encoded within me.
Hawkgirl: Superman, don't--
[Superman stops her]
Brainiac: I am Krypton.
Superman: You're a perversion, dishonoring the very memory of my father and all my people.
Brainiac: And this is your final decision?
Superman: Read my lips: Go. To-- [Brainiac cuts him off]
Brainiac: Unfortunate - but predictable.Highfather: It's hard, isn't it? But we must lovingly tend our garden if we want it to grow strong and tall.
Sera: I hate this.
Highfather: What's wrong, child?
Sera: I've tried, Highfather, really I have, but look! [Gestures to the small rosebush she's laboring over]
Highfather: Patience, my dear. Everything has a purpose, and a place.
Sera: Everything? [Flicks a large caterpillar off of a leaf]
Highfather: Given time.Batman: [to Diana] Next time I let Superman take charge, just hit me. Real hard.Brainiac: You deceived me, Darkseid. Used me.
Darkseid: It's what I do.Darkseid: [to Superman] You of all people should know that the universe is filled with chaos, confusion and uncertainty. I will tear it down to nothing, and then rebuild it, bringing order and discipline at last. Think of it, Superman - a new universe created in my image.[Martian Manhunter is using one of Brainiac's bodies as a shield as he uses the body's arm to shoot at the others.]
Batman: Having fun?
Martian Manhunter: Yes.Darkseid: I'm glad to see growing up with Highfather hasn't made you soft and weak. You make an old man proud. But I won't let you or anyone else stand in my way! (Darkseid bearhugs Orion into unconsciousness) Spare the rod...Superman: Any minute now, Brainiac will explode. And guess what? You're going with him. (Darkseid reaches for Orion's Mother Box but Superman destroys it with his heat vision) No, Darkseid. To get off this rock, you'll have to go through me.
Darkseid: You really are a glutton for punishment. Time and again, I've beaten you, humbled you. What makes you think today's outcome will be any different?
Superman: Because this time, I won't stop until you're just a greasy smear on my fist. Let's go.Darkseid: This is where you belong, Superman, under my heel!Wonder Woman: Wait! Where is Superman?
Batman: That idiot! [to others] I'll get him. The rest of you take off. Now!Darkseid: [Trapped on an exploding asteroid after Batman forces Superman to abandon their fight] Loser.[Superman watches the destroyed asteroids in the sky. Batman comes to him]
Batman: Nothing could have survived that. Not even Darkseid.
Superman: You know something, Bruce? [turns to Batman and walks right up in his face] You're not always right.
=== Tabula Rasa ===
Wonder Woman: Hera help us!
Green Lantern: She'd better - no one else can.Lex Luthor: Help me. I'm...
Mercy Graves: Sick... dying... and you couldn't do it somewhere else?Amazo: [upon scanning Batman] You don't have any powers.
Batman: I have this. [Pulls out piece of kryptonite. Amazo begins to suffer its effects.] It's a package deal. You get our powers, but you get our weaknesses too.
[Amazo jumps off the building into the sewer.]
Hawkgirl: You always carry a piece of kryptonite with you?
Batman: Call it insurance.
Hawkgirl: And they say I'm scary.[Martian Manhunter lands in front of Amazo]
Lex Luthor: You know what to do!
Martian Manhunter: [calmly] Yes. You know.
[Amazo scans J'onn and gains his abilities]
Lex Luthor: Nothing can stop you now! You have all their powers!
Martian Manhunter: Use them well.
[Amazo reads Lex's mind, and realizes that he's been lied to.]Flash: I say we let 'em waste each other.
Hawkgirl: Since when do we do what you say?
Amazo: So small, all of you. And so meaningless. There's nothing I want from you anymore. None of you has anything to offer me now.
[Amazo flies into space]
Wonder Woman: Where did he go?
Martian Manhunter: Where gods belong.
Lex Luthor: Oh stop. He's just a machine. I don't care how much power he has, he's no god.
Superman: Then why do I have a feeling that if he ever comes back, you're going to be doing a lot of praying?
Martian Manhunter: Perhaps we'll all be praying.
=== Only A Dream ===
John Dee: And I thought I'd actually have to break a sweat!
Superman: (Flying in) I'll be doing the breaking around here!
John Dee: (Transforms into a giant and crushes him between his hands) Yes. You break very nicely.Police Officer: Hold it right there, Grundy! This is as far as you go!
[Grundy lifts a dumpster.]
Copperhead: Are you crazy?!
Grundy: No, MAD!
Copperhead: I'm SO dead...Flash: Say no more.
Batman: I wasn't intending to.Flash: What were you working on?
Martian Manhunter: Nothing. I was taking a nap.Copperhead: [jumps onto Hawkgirl's back] You're flying me outta here now, lady!
[Hawkgirl flies straight up into the air, then stops]
Copperhead: Well? Get me outta here!
Hawkgirl: And what if I don't?
Copperhead: [flicks his tongue] I give you your last kiss...
Hawkgirl: And you fall forty stories.
[Copperhead looks down in terror]
Hawkgirl: [smiles] Didn't really think this through, did you?[Grundy crashes after a huge fall]
Hawkgirl: [to Copperhead (who's still clinging to her)] He'll live. You won't.
Copperhead: I'm not scared!
Green Lantern: Then maybe this'll help: you do anything to her, and you won't even make it to the ground.Green Lantern: Good bluff.
Hawkgirl: Who was bluffing?Green Lantern: Look, whatever he is, he's sure not in the same league as Grundy and the others. He's a nobody.
Batman: Ever read the Odyssey? After Odysseus was caught by the cyclops, he told it his name was "Nobody". So when he poked its eye out and its friends asked who did it, all the cyclops could say was "nobody".
Green Lantern: Point taken.Child: That was some sweet banter, Uncle Flash, but what's a cur?
Flash: It's... a bad person! I guess...
Child: OK... So why didn't you just say that?
Flash: Well, I...
Child: And do people really talk so much when they fight?
Flash: I, uh... Hey! How'd you like a snack?[After Flash opens the fridge, finding a huge frog inside]
Child: Where's my food?
The Flash: Are you French?
The Flash: Then there's no food.
Child: You'll do. [Boy bites The Flash's left leg]Batman: Don't worry. I'm used to late hours.Batman: (Barging into a coffee shop; slams some cash on the counter) Give me a triple. Now!Doctor Destiny: Coming here was the mistake of your life. See, the closer I am to someone, the stronger I get. I'll be able to go in your brain, even if you're wide awake.
Batman: My brain's not a nice place to be.Doctor Destiny: What's that stupid song going through your mind?
Batman: It's what's keeping you out, Johnny.Doctor Destiny: You know, I could let you go. You're a distraction now. And it's the others who have the real problems. We're like insects to them. They step on us, ruin our lives, and they don't even realize it. But you're different. You don't have any special powers.
Batman: Oh, I have one, Johnny: I never give up. (Batman starts humming the 'Frere Jacques' tune)
=== Maid Of Honor ===
[Wonder Woman has been swamped by admiring men, all eagerly asking questions about her famous battles.]
Bruce Wayne: [offering his hand] May I have this dance?
Princess Diana: [seizing the escape] Yes! [He leads her to the dance floor.] Thank you, Mr...?
Bruce Wayne: Wayne. Bruce Wayne.
Princess Diana: I appreciate the rescue.
Bruce Wayne: I'm surprised to see you here. From what I've heard, this isn't really your sort of affair.
Princess Diana: I've decided to get out more, have a little fun.
Bruce Wayne: [twirls her] Enjoying yourself so far?
Princess Diana: More than I expected. How about you? What brings you to The City Of Lights?
Bruce Wayne: I never miss a good party. I may also have to attend to some business while I'm in town.Princess Audrey: Stay back! You can't approach without my permission!
Militant Kaznian Dissident: [points a gun at her] Permission, yes?[the roof breaks as Kazian revolutionaries slide into the room on cables.]
Bruce Wayne/Diana: [simultaneously] Excuse me.
[Bruce starts to hurry away, loosening his tie, but seeing Diana dive into the fight, he re-adjusts it and meanders through the room, dodging the Kaznians that Wonder Woman throws, nibbling on appetizers.]Batman: Who are you working for?
Thief: [in Kaznian] You can't understand a word I'm saying and I wouldn't tell you anything if you could.
Batman: [in Kaznian] I can... [advances on him menacingly] ...and you will.Princess Audrey: [being hounded by paparazzi] Would you be a dear and pummel them mercilessly?
Princess Diana: [lifts her into the air] I don't think that'll be necessary. [flies away]
Princess Audrey: WHOO-HOO!Princess Audrey: Don't worry - I won't tell anyone that our great hero has feet of clay.
Princess Diana: You have no idea.Batman: You're keeping late hours.
Diana: You should talk.Colonel Vox: Apparently you didn't get the message. Let me make it loud and clear!Princess Audrey: Vandal, what do you think you are doing?
Vandal Savage: (counting on his fingers) Destroying the Justice League, building a railgun, assuming total dominion over the nations of the earth...(J'onn, Flash, Lantern, and the crew leave the space station)
Flash: Hey, we can't just leave, what's to stop somebody else from taking control of that thing.
(the space station explodes)
Green Lantern: That.Batman: [casually] You're in my way. [Hits Vandal Savage with a chair]Wonder Woman: You know, we never did get to finish our dance.
Batman: [showing no reaction] I don't know what you're talking about.
Wonder Woman: If you say so. [takes his arm] But you're still taking me dancing.
=== Hearts And Minds ===
(in the Watchtower infirmary)
Flash: Lucky for The Big K we've got Martian care on our League HMO.
Martian Manhunter: Bolovax physiology is very similar to my own.
Hawkgirl: And how much of this is guesswork?
Martian Manhunter: I would rather not say.Flash: And what about this Katma Tui?
Kilowog: I'm not sure what happened to her. She was the Green Lantern who trained John.
Hawkgirl: They must have been close.
Kilowog: Very close.[Flash and Kilowog check John's apartment for his power battery; Flash searches the fridge]
Flash: Aha, I knew it! Johnny does have a kink in his armor. Bob and Terry's.
[offers Kilowog ice cream; he eats it, container and all]
Flash: Riiight. Stick with me big guy, I'll open up a whole new world for you. [Runs over to TV] Hey, check this out! People's exhibit B; Old Yeller.
[Shows Kilowog the videocassette; he eats it.]
Kilowog: Delicious!Despero: Feel the power of my rage! Feel the power of my hate!Flash: Ah, you must be the mystery woman.
Katma Tui: And you must be?
Flash: Delighted to meet you.Katma Tui: So, do you still snore?
Green Lantern: I wouldn't know.
Katma Tui: Well, I'd like to stay and relive old times, but...it's the same drill as before.
Green Lantern: Duty calls.
Katma Tui: Duty calls.Despero: Go! The conquest begins now! Emblazon my word and will across the cosmos![John discovers he can no longer use his ring properly]
Katma Tui: Then we start over. I trained you once, I can do it again.
Green Lantern: Back to basics? I don't think so.
Katma Tui: The problem with half the Corps, you included, is that once you learn to use your rings like jackhammers, you forget the subtleties of manipulation and control!
Green Lantern: I know, I know - "the mind is the weapon, not the metal."
Katma Tui: At least you remember that much. It's time to relearn what you've learned.
Green Lantern: Now you sound like Yoda.
Katma Tui: Look, you have two choices: let me help you retune your mental disciplines, or you can live with your emerald impotence.
[Flash walks by at the last word]
Flash: Impotence? [John and Katma look at him] Right...I-I was just goin' over there...
[Speeds off]Hawkgirl: Are you going to need all those power cells?
Green Lantern: If that's what it takes. I can still pull my weight, you know. There's more to me than just a fancy ring.
Hawkgirl: I've always known that, John.Despero: (After binding Katma to the power of Py'tar) Now, who's next? (He goes over to Hawkgirl)
Green Lantern: Keep away from her!
Despero: The wings give her an exotic quality, wouldn't you agree? I don't think I'll put her in the army. I have just the place for her. As one of my personal attendants.
Green Lantern: Don't even think about it.
=== A Better World ===
[The Justice League is attacking the White House, with Luthor in the Oval Office]
President Luthor: [to himself] They couldn't see the beauty! No imagination! They'd rather fight!
[Superman bursts into the office]
Lord Superman: Even this wasn't enough for you, was it? You had to have it all. Now we're on the brink of a war that could destroy the whole planet!
President Luthor: ... Could've been so perfect... paradise...
Lord Superman: And I let it get this far because of the law. And the will of the people.
President Luthor: [laughing] The people?! This is all their fault! And they're gonna burn for it! Burn!
Lord Superman: You're nothing but a mad dog now, aren't you?
President Luthor: Ooh, a threat! But this old dog still has a few teeth!
[Pulls out a drawer with a control box, and poises his finger above a red button. There is a pause.]
Lord Superman: There are at least six different ways I can stop you right now.
President Luthor: But they all involve deadly force, don't they? And you don't do that. [Superman is silent] No. You need me. You wouldn't be much of a hero without a villain, and you do love being a hero, don't you? The cheering children, the swooning women - you love it so much, it's made you my most reliable accomplice!
Lord Superman: Accomplice?! What're you--
President Luthor: You could have crushed me any time you wanted. And it wasn't the law or the will of the people that stopped you - it was your ego. Being a hero was too important to you. You're as much responsible for this as I am! So go ahead. Fix it somehow, put me on trial, lock me up - but I'll beat it. And then we'll start the whole thing all over again.
Lord Superman: ...I did love being a hero. But if this is where it leads... I'm done with it. [eyes glow red][Lord Green Lantern and Lord Hawkgirl arrive at the college protest]
Lord Green Lantern: Punks.
Lord Hawkgirl: Remember when everyone liked us?
Lord Green Lantern: Since when does that matter to you?
Lord Hawkgirl: Since I started seeing the fear on everyone's face.
Lord Green Lantern: You wanna talk about fear? When I was a kid, I went to bed every night scared that the whole world was gonna blow up. That's the way things were back then, and folks just accepted it. They didn't think there could be a better way. Well, we found one.
Lord Hawkgirl: So, do you sleep better now?
Lord Green Lantern: You know I do.[Lord Superman eating soup with Lois Lane at her Apartment]
Lord Superman: Cold.
Lois Lane: It's Gazpacho, it's supposed to be.
Lord Superman: I wasn't talking about the soup. You gonna tell me what's wrong?
Lois Lane: After 2 years, you don't know?
Lord Superman: Here we go.
Lois Lane: The world's on permanent lockdown, free speech is all but dead, and you don't know what's wrong?
Lord Superman: Lois, we've been over this a thousand times. Why can't you see the bigger picture?
Lois Lane: I can see just fine, thank you. You're the one who can't see where this is leading.
Lord Superman: Lois, we're doing everything we can to-- [Lord Superman's Comlink beeps] Just a sec. Yeah?
Lois Lane: Go ahead, finish. You're doing everything you can to what, make sure everyone bows down, and worship you? Is that it?
Lord Superman: That's not what we want! Can't you just listen for a second?!
Lord Batman: Ah, love. Sorry to interrupt, but I need to see you and the others.
Lord Superman: I'm busy.
Lord Batman: Now.
Lord Superman: I gotta go.
Lois Lane: We're not done with this.
Lord Superman: I know. Believe me, I know.
Lois Lane: You can't just write me off, like-like I'm some kind of hysterical-- [Lois tries to follow Lord Superman out the door but is stopped by two Police Officers ]
Police Officer A: Sorry, Ms. Lane. But you know the rules: No leaving the premises, no unauthorized guests, no phone calls.
Lois Lane: Can't speak my mind, can't think.
Police Officer B: It's only temporary, ma'am. They gave us their word.
Lois Lane: Sucker. [Closes the door]Batman: [Referring to the Justice Lords' Martian Manhunter] Have you read his mind yet?
Martian Manhunter: Martians don't do that to one another.
Batman: Can't? Or won't?
Martian Manhunter: Both.Batman: You've thought of everything.
Lord Batman: No. Just everything you'll ever think of.[Batman is imprisoned; The Flash rapidly pushes buttons on a nearby control panel.]
Batman: What are you doing?
The Flash: Trying every possible combination.
Batman: 9-1-9-3-9. [Date that the first Batman comic was published in Detective Comics]
[Flash pauses, then punches it in, opening the door.]
Flash: How'd you know?
Batman: They're the numbers I use. How did you get out?
Flash: I sped up my heart until it looked like it flat-lined.
Batman: I didn't know you could do that.
Flash: Neither did I, but I had to come up with something if you weren't going to.
Batman: I couldn't - not with him anticipating everything I could ever think of. But who could anticipate you?Lord Batman: What are you hiding for?
Batman: I do my best work in the dark.
Lord Batman: I used to think that, too. But what have you ever accomplished from there, aside from scaring a few punks half to death? Putting a few more in jail?
Batman: It all adds up.
Lord Batman: Not fast enough. If you really want to make a difference, want to change the system instead of just patching it, you can't be subtle. You've got to step into the sunlight. Take over, like we did.Lord Batman: Think about it - a world where there's no crimes. No victims. No pain.
Batman: And no choice! Who elected you, anyway?
Lord Batman: Who elected you? The problem with democracy is, it doesn't keep you very safe.
Batman: It has other virtues. But you seem to have forgotten that.
Lord Batman: I didn't forget! I just chose peace and security instead.
Batman: You grabbed power!
Lord Batman: And with that power, we've made a world where no eight-year-old boy will ever lose his parents...because of some punk with a gun!
Batman: [pauses, then drops his Batarang] You win.Batman: They're as strong as we are and just as smart, but they're willing to kill.
Superman: What are you saying - that we have to be willing to kill too? I won't cross that line.
Batman: How else can we stop them?
Superman: You're the smart one. You figure it out.
Batman: We can't do it. Not unless we cross some kind of line.Flash: Wow, Supes, you really know how to bring down the house! (Justice Lord Superman picks Flash up and raises his fist but then hesitates) Can't do it, can you? I'm the last piece of your conscience, and this is the one thing you'll never do.
Lord Superman: I've done a lot of things I thought I'd never do these past two years. One more won't hurt.Lex Luthor: (aiming a weapon) This would be so sweet. (hands it to Superman) But... a deal's a deal.
Green Lantern: What deal?
Superman: A full pardon in exchange for his help.
Lord Superman: Everything he does from now on is your fault!
Superman: It's a high price - but it's better than the alternative.[Lex Luthor gives an interview after his pardon]
Lex Luthor:...but I can't take full credit. I never would have been able to reconfigure the Disruptor without Superman's high-speed assistance.
Reporter 1: Where is it now?
Lex Luthor: I believe Superman has it. That was part of our arrangement.
Reporter 2: Where do you go from here? Back to running LexCorp?
Lex Luthor: Oh, the business-world doesn't seem as challenging as it used to. And there's no poetry in it either. I have been giving some thought to...politics.
=== Eclipsed ===
Green Lantern: (to Flash) Why do you need a van? Wait - don't answer that; I don't wanna know.(The Flash makes a surprise appearance on Gordon Godfrey's TV show)
Glorious Godfrey: Ladies and gentlemen, it seems we have an unexpected guest. Not that we should be surprised. I mean, you're a superhero. You don't have to wait for an invitation. You go where you want, when you want. Right?
Flash: Yeah, but... we're the good guys!
Glorious Godfrey: Of course you are! And I'm sure you can account for the fact that since your so-called 'Justice League' formed, white-collar crime is up three percent!
Flash: White-collar? That's not really our...
Glorious Godfrey: Or maybe you'd care to explain why, on your watch, fifty percent of marriages now end in divorce... and the other fifty percent in death!Flash: This bites! Your commercial's stupid, you're a no-talent hack and your doughnuts are stale! I'm outta here fast, fast, fast!Glorious Godfrey: Role models? Look, I've seen showgirls with more modesty than this so-called "Wonder Woman".
(Wonder Woman smashes the TV screen with her fist)
Wonder Woman: I will not tolerate this!
Green Lantern: Princess, I don't like Godfrey anymore than you do, but in this country, the man's entitled to his opinion. However boneheaded it is.
Flash: Democracy in action. Hey, didn't the Greeks invent that?
(Wonder Woman walks over to the window and looks at her outfit)
Wonder Woman: And what's wrong with the way I dress?!
Flash: Uh... you wanna take that?The Flash: Where do these nuts come from?Green Lantern: He torched the sewers.
Flash: (Grinning) I was wondering what that smell was.(Flash and Green Lantern looking after an unconscious Wonder Woman)
Flash: She doesn't look so hot.Flash: Let's say I believe you, how do we stop it - uh, them?
Mophir: Two ways. Pure light from Mophir's gem drives spirits back into Heart of Darkness.
Flash: Great. What's the second way?
Mophir: Separate host's head from body.
Flash: ... Bummer.Green Lantern: (possessed) You've lost, human.
Flash: Maybe you're right. Maybe it is hopeless. But like Granny Flash used to say: "Why curse the dark, when you can light up a 700,000 watt candle!!"Superman: How can we stop it?
Martian Manhunter: There is one possibility. To halt the process we would need to create an Einstein-Rosen Bridge to drain off the affecting anti-fusion matter.
Flash: Create a what to do what?
Hawkgirl: Make a wormhole to suck away the bad stuff.
Flash: Oh.Green Lantern: Bring home the gold, hotshot.Hawkgirl: [on audio] Lantern, is he...?
Green Lantern: He's in one piece. I think he's alright. [to an unconscious Flash] You hear me, buddy? You better be alright!Flash: [dreaming] Oh... Swirly lights... fuzzy grilled cheese... [wakes up] Huh? What happened?
Wonder Woman: Flash, you did it!
Superman: You saved everyone today.
Wonder Woman: How are you feeling?
Flash: Actually, kind of faint! (to Wonder Woman) I think I need some mouth-to-mouth.
Hawkgirl: He's fine.
=== The Terror Beyond ===
Superman: That went well.
Hawkgirl: What, you expected her to confess to an act of war?
Wonder Woman: She's royalty. You were needlessly disrespectful.
Hawkgirl: Standard interrogation technique. I was bad cop.
Superman: You're always bad cop.
Hawkgirl: Why play against type?Aquaman: Do you realize what you've done?! Leave here, now!
Superman: Not without Grundy, and a good explanation.
Doctor Fate: You've ruined everything! Aquaman, stop them! I'll try to improvise something, but I must be allowed to concentrate!
Solomon Grundy: Go away! Superman always takes everything from Grundy! But not this time! This time, Grundy crush!Solomon Grundy: Bird-nose help Grundy? But Bird-nose and her friends hate Grundy.
Hawkgirl: Grundy help Bird-nose, Bird-nose help Grundy, okay? Excuse me, Hawkgirl smash.Doctor Fate: Be on your guard.
Icthultu: Speak not until spoken to, dust mote.
Hawkgirl: Okay, that was just rude.
Icthultu: Wind mote. Who are you?
Hawkgirl: Shayera Hol. Hawkgirl.
Icthultu: You have the stench of the Thanagarians upon you.
Hawkgirl: Says the giant squid.
Icthultu: Definitely Thanagarian. I will speak to the Hawkgirl before I destroy her. You others are of no interest.Icthultu: Speak to me, child of Thanagar.
Hawkgirl: Nothing to say. I've got a gesture for you, but my hands are tied.
Icthultu: How I've missed your people's spirit.
Hawkgirl: We don't miss you. We outgrew you, thousands of years ago!
Icthultu: I gave your people everything. Why did you forsake me?
Hawkgirl: Forsake?! We threw you out! The price for your favours was too high.
Icthultu: My tribute was equitable. I earned your faith.
Hawkgirl: Really? What's a fair price for the souls of my ancestors?!
Solomon Grundy: [overhearing] Snake-face steal souls? Give Grundy back his soul, Snake-face, or Grundy crush![Shayera is poised to finish off the evil Icthultu.]
Icthultu: You will not do this thing, Shayera Hol of Thanagar. Icthultu still has faith in you.
Hawkgirl: So do I.Solomon Grundy: Grundy thinks he is going away now...
Hawkgirl: No! Just hang on!
Solomon Grundy: Do you think Grundy's soul is waiting for him?
Hawkgirl: Grundy, I don't believe... [Grundy smiles gently and Hawkgirl smiles back tearfully] Yes, it's waiting for you.
Solomon Grundy: Then... Grundy gets his reward. [dies]Hawkgirl: He was happy at the end. I still don't understand why.
Aquaman: It's faith, Hawkgirl. You're not supposed to understand it. You just have it.[Grundy's epitaph]
Solomon Grundy. Born On A Monday.
=== Secret Society ===
Shade: Now I get it. You're trying to set up another Injustice Gang, aren't ya?
Giganta: We call it a Society. A Secret Society.
Shade: Call it what you want, it won't work. I know, I've tried. Twice!
Grodd: What's that old saying? Third time's the charm.[during "practice"]
Flash: [after Batman blows up a robot] Hey! That was my bad guy!
Batman: [to Green Lantern] Happy? [walking away] Call me when it's important. And not before.Clayface: What kind of a guy would lock somebody up and keep him as if he was property?
Killer Frost: It was sick, honey. But you don't have to worry about him anymore. [Smiles] Nobody has to.Clayface: You didn't think I'd come here without reinforcements, did ya?
Batman: Wish I'd thought of that. [door blows in behind him, revealing the rest of the Justice League, Batman smiles] Oh, wait. (smug grin) I DID.Shade's Thug: [being held upside down off a roof] Who do you think you are, Batman?
Flash: It's been a long night. Just tell me where Shade is, okay?
Shade's Thug: Look, buddy, I know Batman. I once ratted out a counterfeiter to Batman. And believe me, you are no Bat- (Flash drops him) -MAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!Flash: [standing over "unconscious" Sinestro] Looks like I didn't need you after all, yo. But you can help me tie him up.
Batman: ...Catch. [shoots Flash in the chest with a grapple] The real Flash would've been too fast for that. [shocks him, revealing Clayface]
Clayface: What gave me away?
Batman: You overplayed your part, yo.
Grodd: Everyone's a critic.Hawkgirl: You don't care about me.
Green Lantern: What are you talking about? I'd give my life for you!
Hawkgirl: You don't know what you're saying.Giganta: [to Superman] Wouldn't hit a woman, would you?
Wonder Woman: I would. [slams her down]
=== Hereafter ===
[Wonder Woman blocks a bolt of lightning from the Weather Wizard with her bracelets.]
The Flash: There are so many reasons why that shouldn't have worked.Kalibak: I just flattened Wonder Woman! You really think you can beat me?
Batman: I'm not trying to beat you. I'm trying to stall you.
Kalibak: Stall me? For what? [Superman appears behind him] Aw- [gets punched in the face]
Superman: For what it's worth, I don't think you could've taken Batman, either.[Superman has been apparently killed; Wonder Woman grabs Toyman.]
Toyman: What are you going to do to me?
Wonder Woman: I'm going to punch a hole in your head.
The Flash: We don't do that to our enemies.
Wonder Woman: Speak for yourself!
The Flash: I'm trying to speak for Superman.
[a grief-stricken Wonder Woman releases Toyman.]The Flash: I used to be able to goof around so much because I knew Superman had my back. Now all I've got is his example, and that's gonna have to be enough.Alfred: I'm afraid it's time, master Bruce.
Batman: I'm not going to the funeral.
Alfred: [surprised] Why?
Batman: Because he's not dead. What tipped me off was the lack of evidence.
Batman: [showing the table of debris] I brought all this from the crime scene, and I've examined it every way I know how.
Alfred: And you found?
Batman: Absolutely nothing. No scorching, no residue, no radiation. Objects were here, then they were gone.
Alfred: I'm afraid I don't understand.
Batman: Matter can't be created or destroyed, just changed from one form into another.
Alfred: As you say, sir. I believe I heard something about that when I attended grammar school.
Batman: So unless the law of conservation of mass has been repealed, there's still hope. [As Toyman's weapon was technological, not magical, the laws of physics must apply.][Lex Luthor walks into Superman's funeral.]
Lois Lane: Luthor! How dare you show your face here!
Lex Luthor: Lois, I-- [Lois slaps him]
Lois Lane: You've come to gloat! You've tried to get rid of him for years! Are you happy now? Isn't this what you've always wanted? I hate you! I HATE YOU! ... [breaks down into tears]
Lex Luthor: [takes her into his arms] Believe it or not, I'm going to miss him, too.Martian Manhunter: Though we gather here today, bound together in sorrow and loss, we share a precious gift. We are, all of us, privileged to live a life that has been touched by Superman. The Man of Steel possessed many extraordinary gifts, and he shared them with us freely. None of these gifts were more remarkable than his ability to discern what needed to be done, and his unfailing courage in doing it, whatever the personal cost. Let us all strive to accept his gift, and pass it along, as an ongoing tribute to Kal-El of Krypton, the immigrant from the stars, who taught us all how to be heroes.Batman: I've got some things to say. I should've said them when you were here, but... Despite our differences, I have nothing but respect for you. I hope you knew... know that, you showed me that justice doesn't always have to come from the darkness. I'll miss... [something in the distance explodes] What did you always call it, Clark? The never ending battle?Lobo: What's with all the long faces, Justice-Dweebs? It's like a wake in here. Lighten up! The answer to all your problems has arrived. Since we're gonna be workin' together, you can call me Lobo.Green Lantern: Good instinct. His name's Lobo. He's a lowlife bounty hunter.
Lobo: The Main Man happens to be the best bounty hunter in the known universe. You can ask Superman if he weren't busy pushing up daisies.
The Flash: Hey, don't talk about him like that. Superman was our friend.Wonder Woman: You're no Superman.
Lobo: The ladies say different.Lobo: You want an audition? C'mon, ladies, let's dance![Villains are terrorizing Metropolis.]
Kalibak: This looks like a job for Superman! But I don't think he's coming.Hawkgirl: You wanna settle down now? Please say no!Martian Manhunter: The Justice League is about more than physical power. It's about ideals, caring, helping.
Lobo: Buy me a ticket to Pukesville.Kalibak: I'm going to grind you into paste!
Lobo: Awful brave talk for a dead man.
Kalibak: I'm not dead yet.
Lobo: You're right. My watch is about ten seconds fast.Lobo: Pretty good huh? When you got Lobo on your team, who needs Superman?
[the members of the Justice League lower their heads in sadness]Vandal Savage: The Earth belongs to the cockroaches now... oh, and me.Superman: You're insane.
Vandal Savage: True, but that doesn't mean I'm not good company. Say, you wanna come over to my house? (Superman looks confused) Like you've got something better to do.Superman: [holding a rock over Vandal Savage's head] I should smash your skull.
Vandal Savage: Go ahead, we both know it wouldn't work.
[Superman pauses and drops the rock. They both stand up.]
Superman: What now...?
Vandal Savage: ...Lunch?[Superman picks up a copy of "Life Strategies: Coping With Yourself"]
Superman: Self-help books? You don't seem the type.
Vandal Savage: I read whatever I can find. Anyway, I've got issues, what with my destroying the Earth and all.Superman: What happens to you?
Vandal Savage: Redemption, if I'm lucky. Don't worry about me. Go back to your friends. Do what you do best, what you were born to do - save the world.[Everyone is marveling at Superman's return]
Martian Manhunter: You were greatly missed, my friend... by all of us.
[All eyes turn to Batman, who is standing apart with arms crossed, emotionless]
Wonder Woman: Don't let him fool you. Your death hit him as hard as it did any of us.
Batman: No. I never believed you were dead in the first place.
Superman: I guess that's sort of a compliment.
Lobo: Ain't this great? The whole team together again, all eight of us!
Superman: Count again. You're fired.
Superman: You're not Justice League material, Lobo. Go chase a bail-jumper. I don't care what you do, just clear out.
Lobo: This is the thanks I get? What a stinkin' rip. [hops onto his Hog] Next time you lollipops need help, don't bother asking the Main Man! [flies away]
Martian Manhunter: ... We didn't ask you this time![In the future, Vandal Savage is sitting alone after sending Superman back to the present. Soon, people start appearing around him, along with an intact city, while Savage himself starts to disappear, indicating that Superman managed to stop him in the past]
Vandal Savage: Thank you, my friend. [fades away]
=== Wild Cards ===
Hawkgirl: Aha, that's it. Right there.
Green Lantern: No it's not.
Hawkgirl: I think I would know.Joker: Ah, ah, ah! Don't touch that remote. I know it's heartbreaking to have your favorite shows preempted, but look what you're getting instead: me! And a whole truckload of mindless violence and wanton property damage, everything that makes TV great! So stay tuned - you won't believe your eyes.Joker: Here's how we do this little tango: I've tucked away a great, big time bomb somewhere on the Vegas strip. Only the Justice League can defuse it, 'cause if anyone else tries, (shows audience a switch) I press this, and kablooie! No waiting! Now, I know you want to see the big bomb hunt from the best point of view, so I've set up hundreds of cameras all over town! The League won't be able to burp without us looking in! And since every good suspense show has to have a ticking clock, here's mine! (a display appears on screen, counting down from 23 minutes - the average length of an episode without commercials) Oh, what were you expecting from me? A round number?Joker: The Royal Flush Gang! Jack, Ten, King, and... uhhh... [as the camera pans up from Queen's feet, showing her figure] Queen!Joker: [watching Batman's jet land and Batman step out] I see one of our stars approaching the red carpet! And he’s in black — always chic. [Javelin lands and the rest of the Justice League step out] But here come the fashion disasters. I’m surprised their mummies let them out of the house looking like that.Joker: While they stumble around trying to find my bomb, let's see how the local economy's doing.
[A slot machine area is deserted.]
Joker: Oh, it looks a little slow. [An old woman is shown at one of the slots] Ma'am? Ma'am? Aren't you scared?
Old Lady: [not looking up] Of what? This thing's gotta pay up sooner or later.
Joker: Man, I LOVE this town![The Royal Flush Gang is fleeing the scene]
Joker: Oh, you're breaking an old man's heart, kids! Stand up to them like I would! If I were there... and if I had superpowers and... Oh, for Pete's sake, go back there and beat on them!Joker: [after telling the origin story of his minions] The government said it was protecting them. But what it really wanted was to turn them into human weapons. And they would have gotten away with it too, if not for me meddling with the kids!Joker: [about Ten] Ten feels no pain - literally! And he's just as strong as Stupidman!Joker: [about Batman] Him again, it's always him!Bookie: Smart money's all on your boy Jack, Mr. J.! Batman has the edge in experience—and weight, I can't help noticing; I suspect he's indulging in too many "Bat-donuts"—but Jack is younger and he definitely has the longer reach.Joker: I can't believe he didn't suspect a trap. See what happens when you don't watch enough television?Joker: The suspense is killing me! Of course, it's going to be the explosions that kill them.Joker: [after Green Lantern reveals a false bomb located at the bottom of a river] Aww, I was hoping someone would drown trying to disarm that. C'est la vie.Flash: [After locating a bomb but not knowing how to disarm it, talking to Batman via comlink] Batman, I've got a problem!
Batman: [Being strangled in a battle with Jack, and attempting to fight] You... don't... SAY!
Flash: I found a bomb. You've got to talk me through disarming it.
Batman: [throwing exploding batarangs at Jack] Okay. Remove the lid...
Flash: Already done.
Batman: Don't jump ahead! Do exactly as I say!
Flash: I opened it before I called! [sound of blow landing] Batman, you okay?
Batman: [evading Jack's punches] Grasp the red metal collar with both hands, pull it straight up. It's magnetized, don't touch the sides, or it'll blow up the whole block.
Batman: Disconnect the following wires in- [Jack hits him] AH! -in precisely this order: blue, yellow-and-black striped, red, then black.
Flash: [does so] Okay, what next?
Batman: You're done. Find another one!
Flash: I'm on it![Green Lantern and Hawkgirl have found a bomb]
Hawkgirl: Why not put a force field around it and let it blow?!
Green Lantern: I don't know if I can contain an explosion that size!
Hawkgirl: Maybe you should let me defuse it!
Green Lantern: Maybe you should shut up!!
[cut to Joker in the studio]
Joker: Phew! Is it just me or is there something going on between those two? Will Green Lantern ever admit to his feelings? Will Hawkgirl ever stop sublimating her passions with that big honkin' mace? Will true love conquer all? [raises his detonator] Not on my show!
[in the casino, the bomb lets out a loud beep; Lantern spins around and fires a force blast that ejects Hawkgirl from the casino, a split-second before it explodes and collapses.]
Hawkgirl: JOHN!Joker: Ooh! Medical drama, life and death stakes, compelling human conflict...RATINGS!Superman: Give it up, kid. There's no way you can beat me.
Ten: I don't have to beat you. I just have to slow you down until the bomb blows!
Superman: Hold that thought! [Punches Ten high into the sky, and defuses the bomb. Ten falls back down] Now, where were we?
[another punch sends Ten flying, and Superman flies after him]
Joker: A person could really learn to hate that guy. Let's go back to watching Green Lantern croak - that should cheer me up.Batman: Harley! Where's Joker?
Harley Quinn: After all these years, you still think I'd give up Mister J?
Batman: Why not? He gave you up.
Harley Quinn: That was a long time ago! He's changed! We've been to couple's counseling!
Batman: I'm talking about right now. Or haven't you been watching the show? You've seen the way he touches her hair, the way he rubs her shoulders.
Harley Quinn: You mean Ace? She's just a kid!
Batman: Really? Then why is she with him while you're out here in the cold?
[Harley pauses, then punches Batman in the face.]
Joker: Have to admit, didn't see that one coming...Joker: Even you can't disarm one of my bombs in time!
Flash: Shut up!
Joker: What kind of retort is that? You're not even trying!Superman: That was quite a stunt you just pulled off.
Flash: I know. Can't wait to catch the rerun.Joker: You know, our show was picked up by all the news channels. And the last 15 minutes or so's been running on the Broadcast networks. According to my projections, we've got somewhere between 60-70 million people watching right now, and that was the point all along. This whole thing was a stunt, to get as many of you watching as possible, and it worked! My Royal Flush Gang provided the conflict, the Justice League brought the star power, and I brought the shocking surprise ending. Everyone watching this show right now is witness to my greatest joke ever. In just over five minutes, you'll all be hopelessly, incurably insane.Joker: She can send out thought waves that can alter perception... but enough with the jargon, she can drive you crazy just by looking at you - either in person, or on TV. Even as I speak, millions of you slack-jawed couch potatoes are slowly losing your grip on reality - which in my opinion is highly overrated anyway. But you can't look away, even though you know something is terribly wrong. And the best part is, I'm immune to all of this because I'm ALREADY crazy.Joker: We can't let everything we have be ruined by a silly misunderstanding!
Harley Quinn: And just what is it that I'm not understanding?!
Joker: That we're two of a kind. That you'll always come back to me.
Harley Quinn: Yeah, I guess I do, don't I...?
Joker: Like the swallows in Capistrano. And there's one other thing you're not getting.
Harley Quinn: [innocently] What?
Joker: [enraged] THAT YOU LED BATMAN RIGHT TO MY DOORSTEP!!! [smacks Harley away] Tough love. Very effective, don't you think so, Batman? [silence] Yoo-hoo? Batman? I know you're up there s--OH!! [Batman punches him] Oh, there you are.[Joker sings to the tune of "London Bridge"]
Joker: (punches Batman) Big old Bats has fallen down. (punches him again) On the ground. (again) Mind unsound. (again) Big old Bats has fallen down (again) I'm so happy!(Batman has pulled the mind-control headband out of Joker's pocket. Ace is furious)
Joker: Just... Just a souvenir, that's all! Give me that! (Tries to take it back)
Ace: (stands up and advances on Joker) "I'm not afraid of you..."
Joker: (scared) Wait ... puh-please ...! (backs away)
Ace: "I know what it's like to frighten other people. That's why I'm not afraid of you. I'm the only one."
Joker: Don't do this! (cowers in fear and closes his eyes, obviously terrified)
Ace: (petting Joker's head) Do what?
Joker: (looks up) That's my little Acey! Everything's going to be... AAAAAARRGH!
(Ace uses her powers on Joker to plunge him into a catatonic state)[in the Watchtower's infirmary]
Hawkgirl: It was the shock of the detonation that stopped his heart... no, he's going to be fine. I'll stay with him tonight. Batman, about before? I'm sorry I...
Batman: No. We never leave a man behind. Right?
Hawkgirl: [smiles] Right.John Stewart: You know how we feel about each other.
John Stewart: And I know you feel the same way.
Hawkgirl: It's not that simple. John, this can't go any further.
John Stewart: Why not?
Hawkgirl: Well... we work together.
John Stewart: So? Gives us something in common.
Hawkgirl: We can't be worrying about each other when we're fighting the bad guys.
John Stewart: Too late for that. What else you got?
Hawkgirl: Ugh... It's crazy, I mean, look at us. Just look at us.
John Stewart: I see a man, and a woman.
[John removes Shayera's helmet. They slowly get closer and kiss]Old Lady: Well, it's about time.
=== Comfort And Joy ===
Jonathan Kent: It's good to have you home again, son.
Clark Kent: It's good to be back, Pa. And I brought a friend.
(Clark walks in the house and J'onn appears in the doorway)
Martian Manhunter: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Kent. I hope I'm not intruding. Super.. er, Clark was most insistent I join you for the holiday. My name is J'onn. I'm a Martian.
(Jonathan and Martha usher J'onn into the house)
Jonathan Kent: Oh, we're no strangers to aliens in this house. Make yourself at home.Jonathan Kent: Okay, everybody! I'm turning on the Christmas tree!
Clark Kent: Pa, that's my job!The Flash: Wow. Someone sure did a number on this place.
Ultra-Humanite: Actually, I hadn't even started... Do you believe the horrendous amount of public funding spent on this so-called art? It's garbage! An affront to any decent human aesthetic!
The Flash: Oh-kay, I'll just take you back to prison, where you won't have to look at the ugly old sculptures anymore.Ultra-Humanite: You'll be happy to know, Flash, that your words - jejeune though they were - did not fall on deaf ears. I appreciate the sentiment behind them, and therefore call a truce in honor of the season.
The Flash: Seriously?
Ultra-Humanite: You'll have the toy to give to your young friends. I'm improving it, too.
The Flash: [suspicious] It's not gonna blow up or anything?
Ultra-Humanite: [incredulous] Flash. It is Christmas.
The Flash: Okay, but why did you hit me?
Ultra-Humanite: You hit me first. Hand me that screwdriver, will you?The Flash: Hey, kids, Santa Flash is back! [the children cheer] Along with my special helper, Freaky The Snowman! [the children grow silent]
Ultra-Humanite: Just give them the toy and take me to jail.
The Flash: Are you sure it won't, y'know...? [makes exploding noise]
Ultra-Humanite: Oh, for Heaven's sake!
DJ Rubba' Ducky: [in Ultra-Humanite's voice] Hello, children. Come close and I'll tell you a story.
Child 1: Is that DJ Rubba' Ducky?
Child 2: He sounds weird.
DJ Rubba' Ducky: [in Ultra-Humanite's voice] Little Clara had just received a beautiful toy nutcracker from her godfather, the mysterious Herr Drosselmeyer.
Ultra-Humanite: Well? An improvement, wouldn't you say?
The Flash: I kinda liked it when he made the poopy noise... [In spite of this, the children keep hearing the toy telling the story of The Nutcracker until they start sleeping.] ...but this is good, too.Hawkgirl: (Entering a bar) Hey, guys!
Patrons: Shayera!(as J'onn sings his song)
Clark Kent: And he said he didn't bring a gift.
=== Starcrossed ===
[Green Lantern has just found out about the relationship between Hawkgirl and Hro Talak]
Batman: The most mysterious creatures in the universe.
Green Lantern: Sorry?
Batman: Women. Don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't know she was spoken for.
Green Lantern: How did you...?
Batman: It wasn't hard to figure out. The point is these things happen. You just have to accept it and move on.
Green Lantern: Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.
[He starts to walk off but J'onn J'onnz (Martian Manhunter) stops him]
Martian Manhunter: Believe me, I know the pain when two people who are involved...
[The Flash speeds up to them]
Flash: Who's involved? [He looks at Green Lantern] You and Hawkgirl?! Get out. [Green Lantern glares at Flash] Really?Wonder Woman: Don't be afraid, little man. I won't bite.[The League is on the run from the Thanagarians, hiding in a department store]
Martian Manhunter: They'll have the whole city covered by now.
Flash: Who knows? Maybe they'll get tired and go home. [Everyone looks at him] ...Yeah, I know. But a little optimism at a time like this couldn't hurt.
Thanagarians: This is the voice of the Thanagarian Occupational Authority. Your so-called Justice League is in violation of our martial law. They are to be considered an enemy and dealt with on sight. Any person found aiding or harboring them will be summarily punished.
Flash: Okay, so much for optimism.
Batman: For the time being, we're going to have to go underground.
Wonder Woman: How exactly do we hide when the entire planet is looking for us?
Martian Manhunter: They'll be looking for the Justice League. Without our costumes, we are merely ordinary citizens.
Flash: Hold on a second here. What about the whole secret identity thing? I mean, I trust you guys, but I'm not sure I'm ready to...
Batman: [points at Flash] Wally West, [points at Superman] Clark Kent,... [removes own mask] ...Bruce Wayne.
Flash: [stares, wide-eyed] ...Showoff. [shrugs and removes his cowl]
Wonder Woman: [ruffles his hair] Red hair. It suits you.
Flash: You think? [gets hit in the head by a shirt]
Batman: [stalks past, looking disgruntled] Change. Now.[in order to hide from pursuing Thanagarians, Diana and Bruce take refuge in a diner and, when the Thanagarians enter, Diana pulls Bruce into a kiss. They separate after the soldiers leave]
Diana Prince: Sorry.
Bruce Wayne: [with a grin] Don't be.(Shayera tries to convince Hro to relocate the hyperspace generator)
Hro Talak: Have you forgotten why we fight? Of what horrors the Gordanians are capable of? Have you forgotten my long years rotting in their stinking prison camps?! (takes off his headdress, revealing the scars on the side of his face) I haven't!
Shayera Hol: I have forgotten nothing. But this war is no excuse to-
Hro Talak: I am your commander! You will not question me!
Shayera Hol: I don't even know you anymore.[Wally and John arrive at Wayne Manor; Alfred answers the door]
Wally West: Uh, hi. We're looking for Bruce Wayne? We're friends.
Alfred Pennyworth: Of course, Master Bruce is expecting you. This way, please.
Wally West: So, Jeeves, do you come with the place, or does "Master Bruce" just rent you out for parties?
Alfred Pennyworth: I've been in service here since the master was in diapers.
Wally West: [turns to John] Now, there's a picture.Alfred Pennyworth: Your guests have arrived, sir.
Batman: You're late.
John Stewart: Nice to see you too.
Wally West: [seeing Batman's trophy T-rex] Hey! That's a giant dinosaur!
Alfred Pennyworth: And I thought Batman was the detective.[Examining data on Thanagarian plans]
Superman: Yeah, I'm impressed. Let's go wreck it.[Batman throws batarangs at oncoming Thanagarians. At first nothing happens.]
Thanagarian soldier: Your weapons are pitiful!
Batman: Wait for it...
[Swarm of bats attack the Thanagarians](Flash causes the giant penny in the Batcave to fall on two Thanagarian warriors)
Flash: Tails! I win!Batman: Well?
Martian Manhunter: I have no idea how to fly this vehicle.
Flash: What's this do? [pushes random button that causes the ship to fire at Wayne Manor, narrowly missing Alfred]
Batman: [through clenched teeth] That's. Not. Helping.Alfred Pennyworth: [finding a bound Thanagarian] I've asked Master Bruce to refrain from leaving trash on the lawn.Shayera Hol: I came to help.
Flash: Hawkpeople all over the planet, martial law, us getting chased like dogs--I don't think we can take much more of your help.(Superman, Wonder Woman and Green Lantern are approaching the Thanagarian command ship, as it deploys interceptor fighters)
Wonder Woman: Pretty bad odds.
Superman: Yeah. They don't stand a chance.Flash: Okay, the Watchtower is ours again. So where's your secret weapon?
Batman: You're standing in it.
Flash: Wait, you mean we're gonna...?
Batman: Take the Watchtower out of orbit and drop it right on top of their little science project.[Batman helps J'onn and the Flash load the unconscious Thanagarians into an escape pod, then closes the door and launches the pod, leaving himself behind.]
Martian Manhunter: What are you doing?
Batman: I can't risk having the Watchtower burn up on re-entry. I'll have to guide it in, manually. Gentlemen... it's been an honor.
[Flash slumps on the floor of the pod as it disengages and maneuvers away from the Watchtower.]Hro Talak: This won't be like the last time you stole something from me.
Green Lantern: Anything I took was freely offered. Maybe you should take better care of your stuff.Hro Talak: I've beaten you, little man. Any last words?
Green Lantern: Yeah - you can kiss my axe.Green Lantern: My grandma hits harder than you!Batman: [over radio-link] We're cutting it a little close! Have you shut off the force-field?
Superman: Not yet. Where are you?
Batman: Aboard the Watchtower, guiding it to target.
Superman: [shocked] That's insane! Get out of there!
Batman: Negative! I'm staying until... [static over radio]
Superman: Batman! [abandons fight][Batman loses consciousness just before Superman arrives. Superman rips up the seat he's buckled into, and flies him away from the Watchtower before impact.]
Superman: [As they pick themselves up from the rubble] Always have to be the hero, don't you?
Batman: Right back at ya.Shayera Hol: They've been in there a long time.
Alfred Pennyworth: If I may be so bold? I'm neither a superhero, nor a soldier, so I'm hardly qualified to judge your actions by those standards. But I do know this: without the great sacrifices you've made, we wouldn't be here to share this nice pot of tea. Whatever they decide in that room, in my eyes, you'll always be a hero.Flash: No Hawkgirl. No Javelin. No Watchtower. What's gonna happen to the League now? Do we all just walk away?
Martian Manhunter: No. We rebuild, starting today.
Superman: J'onn's right. Earth still needs us, and we'll never let her down.Green Lantern: Where are you gonna go?
Shayera Hol: I don't know. Someplace where the fate of the world wasn't in my hands. Someplace where there's no more secrets, no more lies.
Green Lantern: Was it all a lie?
Shayera Hol: I love you, John. I never lied about that. [flies away]
Green Lantern: [tears falling off his face] I love you, too.
== See also ==
Justice League Unlimited
== External links ==
Justice League quotes at the Internet Movie Database
Justice League at TV.com