[<< wikiquote] Rat Race (film)
Rat Race is a 2001 American comedy film about six teams of people racing to a remote location to win a large sum of money in a locker.

Directed by Jerry Zucker. Written by Andy Breckman.


== Nick Schaffer ==
My grandfather used to say that good things take time, but great things happen all at once.


== Owen Templeton ==
[Talking about the coin he used to flip at the Super Bowl] It's really a commemorative coin.
I AM NOT A BUS DRIVER!!! I DO NOT WORK FOR THE BUS COMPANY!!! ALL RIGHT?!!! I--I NEEDED A RIDE TO NEW MEXICO, SO I STOLE THIS UNIFORM!!! SEE THIS JACKET?!! THIS IS NOT MY JACKET!!! REMEMBER MARTY, THE BUS DRIVER?!! HUH?!! THIS IS HIS SHIRT!!! I STOLE IT!!! AND THESE PANTS, YOU THINK I'D WEAR THESE PANTS?!!! THESE AREN'T MY PANTS!!! THESE ARE MARTY'S PANTS!!! I STOLE THEM!!! I AM NOT...a bus driver!


== Duane Cody ==
[Looking at a map, a plane lands behind him] Where the hell is the airport?!


== Blaine Cody ==
[To Duane] Duane, Mom's watching 'ou from 'eaven righ' now. Wha' would 'he doo? For starving children, Duane. 'O it for mom.


== Vera Baker ==
Oh good! A scam!!
[to Owen] I knew I recognized you, you're the referee, the bonehead!
We should've bought a squirrel.


== Randy Pear ==
They're always pissed, honey. They're Nazis, it's like it's their job.
Are you insane?! This is Hitler's car!
I do NOT want to work at Home Depot!
You drink these up, then we're gonna return the Nazi-mobile. And then we'll get the van fixed and we'll go back to Vegas and see David Copperfield! Yay!
Bev, Bev, wake... Come on. Wake up. Wake up. Bev, wake up. Wake up. Third Reich's here. Come on. Get down. You wanna have a nice life. Okay, okay. Think. Think. SS in the parking lot.


== Kimberly Pear ==
Dad, I don't have to pee, it's number two!
Dad, I'm prairie-dogging!
Look dad, I'm Mrs. Hitler!
Dad, it's been a living hell.


== Donald Sinclair ==
Excuse me. Thank you all for coming. I'm Donald Sinclair, I own this hotel. We don't have much time. There's a meteor the size of North Carolina heading straight for Earth. The impact is going to kill every thing and everyone on this planet. I built a bunker in the basement to this casino strong enough to withstand the blast. There's room enough for eight people. I have chosen the seven of you, plus me. When this is over, it'll be up to us to repopulate and re-civilize the planet. [Everyone looks shocked for about five seconds, before Sinclair begins laughing hysterically] I'm sorry. I couldn't resist!
[to Owen] I can do anything I want Nick. I'm eccentric! [growls like a tiger] Go!
Theoretically, you have been racing for about 40 seconds now, and so far, Mr. Schaefer is winning, because he's nearest to the door!
And, they're off!


== Enrico Polinni ==
[Entering room] Am I too late? Look I won a coin! A gold coin! [looks around] Uh, isn't this wonderful? Look at this room. What a beautiful room! Have you seen this room?
[Introducing himself] I am Enrico Polinni. Now I know what you are thinking, Enrico is a girl's name. No pun intended.
I am getting goose pimples.
It's a race! It's a race! I hope I win!
Is a race! I am winning, I am winning! [slows down and falls asleep standing up in the middle of the hotel lobby]
I make a joke to help you forget how screwed you are.
Hey look! A drifter! Let's kill him!


== Others ==
Squirrel Lady: I wasn't talkin' to you, was I? [to her squirrels] I was talkin' to Vera!


== Dialogue ==
[A hotel employee hands Nick Schaffer his bill]
Nick Schaffer: Wait - what's this $110?
Employee: Uh, those are your in-room movies.
Nick Schaffer: No, I didn't watch any movies.
Employee: Okay, let's see..."Afro Whores".
Nick Schaffer: "Afro Whores"?
Employee: It says you watched it... 11 times.
Nick Schaffer: No, I didn't watch that.
Employee: 2:00 "Afro Whores", 3:30 "Afro Whores", 5:00 "Afro Whores"... It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes, then switched back over to "Afro Whores".
Nick Schaffer: I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.
Hotel Clerk: It's not a record, sir.
Nick Schaffer: It... It's a delete.
Hotel Clerk: Okay, fine. How many times did you watch it?
Nick Schaffer: Uh, none! I didn't watch it!
Hotel Clerk: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters...”
Nick Schaffer: No, I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it! [hotel clerk raises her eyebrows] I didn't![Duane and Blaine Cody walk up to the top of a flight of stairs, Duane places a glass on the ground]
Duane Cody: Okay, see that shot glass? Walk across the lobby, slip on the glass, let gravity do the rest.
Blaine Cody: I-ight 'eak y eck!
Duane Cody: It's true, you could break your neck, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.
Blaine Cody: Hy ont u oo it?
Duane Cody: Because, Einstein, one of us needs to be the victim and one of us needs to be the witness! What kind of witness would you make? I'm your own brother, I don't know what the hell you're saying. How's your tongue, let me see.
[Blaine opens his mouth, showing a blackened tongue with a stud in it; Duane cringes]
Blaine Cody: Ows it ook?
Duane Cody: ...It looks good, getting better.Randy Pear: [seeing Blaine's infected tongue] Oh my God! You ought to sue somebody!
Blaine Cody: Ay id it y-elf!
Randy Pear: What?
Duane Cody: He said he did it himself. Sent away for a kit.Donald Sinclair: [after explaining the game] The first one there, gets it all! Go!
Owen: Y-You can't just pick people at random!
Donald Sinclair: I can do anything I like, Owen! I'm eccentric! [Growls] Go!
Randy Pear: Wait. So, it's like a race? [Sinclair points to him with an "Ah-ha!" expression]
Enrico Pollini: A race! It's a race! I hope I win!
Duane Cody: Uh, what are the rules?
Donald Sinclair: There's only one rule. Are you ready? Here it is: There are, no rules! Go!
Merrill: So, when you say "go", you mean, just go?
Donald Sinclair: Uh, begin, commence, start moving... theoretically you have been racing for about forty-five seconds now, and so far Mr. Schaffer is winning because he's nearest to the door.
[Everyone continues staring at Sinclair, visibly confused. Finally, he sighs in frustration, pulls out a revolver, and fires it into the ceiling.]Kimberly Pear: Dad, I'm prairie-dogging it!!
Randy Pear: What the hell does that mean?
Jason Pear: You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground.
Randy Pear: Oh. Oh, God, I do not want to picture that!Randy Pear: That's Hitler's harmonica; you can't play Hitler's harmonica.
Jason Pear: Well, you're driving his car.
Randy Pear: Yeah, but I'm not touching it with my mouth! I'm not sucking on the dashboard! I'm not getting his germs!Vicki: So, what can I do for you, Harry?
Harold Grisham: Okay... here's what I want. First... we both get naked.
Vicki: So far so good.
Harold Grisham: Except... we're both wearing sailor hats. Then we get into a jacuzzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, I clip your toenails and you shave my buttocks.


== Taglines ==
563 miles. 9 people. $2 million. 1001 problems!
Make a Dash, for the Cash
Join the Race August 2001


== Cast ==
Breckin Meyer as Nick Schaffer
Amy Smart as Tracy Faucet
Cuba Gooding Jr. as Owen Templeton
Seth Green as Duane Cody
Vince Vieluf as Blaine Cody
Whoopi Goldberg as Vera Baker
Lanai Chapman as Merrill Baker Jennings
Jon Lovitz as Randall 'Randy' Pear
Kathy Najimy as Beverly 'Bev' Pear
Brody Smith as Jason Pear
Jillian Marie Hubert as Kimberly Pear
Rowan Atkinson as Enrico Pollini
John Cleese as Donald P. Sinclair
Dave Thomas as Harold Grisham
Wayne Knight as Zack Mallozzi
Silas Weir Mitchell as Lloyd the Locksmith
Paul Rodriguez as Gus the Cabbie
Dean Cain as Shawn Kent


== Six Racers ==
Nick Schaffer and His love interest Tracy Faucet
Owen Templeton
The Cody Brothers: Duane & Blaine
Vera Baker and Her biological daughter Merrill Jennings
The Pear Family: Randy, Bev (wife), Jason (son) & Kimberly (daughter)
Enrico Pollini


== External links ==

Rat Race quotes at the Internet Movie Database
Rat Race at Rotten Tomatoes