[<< wikiquote] Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith is a 2005 romantic action comedy film starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as a bored married couple who learn that they are both assassins hired by competing agencies to kill each other.

Directed by Doug Liman and written by Simon Kinberg.


== John Smith ==
I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning.
We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and I'm less and less concerned for your well-being.
Option A: You talk, we listen, no pain. Option B: You don't talk, I remove your thumbs with my pliers, it will hurt. Option C: I like to vary the details a bit but the punch line is you die.


== Others ==
Jane Smith: Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet.
Eddie: I live with my mom because I choose to. She's the only woman I've ever trusted.


== Dialogue ==
[first session with a marriage counselor]
John: Ok, I'll go first. let me see... um... We don't really need to be here. See, we've been married for five years.
Jane: Six.
John: [chastened] Five or six years.[at the counselor's office]
Counselor: How often do you have sex?
Jane: I don't understand the question.
John: Yeah I'm lost, is this a one to ten thing?
Jane: Yeah, is, like, ten nothing or one? 'Cause tech- technically speaking, zero would be nothing.
[after a long pause]
Counselor: How 'bout this week?
[another long pause]
John: Including the weekends?Jane: There's this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we don't say to each other. What's that called?
Marriage Counselor: Marriage.[about the new curtains Jane bought]
Jane: If you don't like them we can take them back.
John: All right, I don't like them.
Jane: [pause] You'll get used to them.John: Careful, Jane. I can push the button any time I like.
Jane: Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map.Jane: Promise me to leave the town or I will blow it.
John: Ok... I give up. Please blow it.
Jane: Excuse me. What?
John: Go on. Blow it.
Jane: You think I won't?
John: I think you won't.
Jane: OK. Five. Four. Any last words?
John: Your new curtains are hideous.
Jane: Goodbye John. [Janet hit's the PC keyboard and the bomb detonates. The monitor screen blacks out.] What the hell is this?
Janet: You said Goodbye.John: [during a car chase] I never told you, but I was married once before. [Jane slams on the brakes] Ow! Are you insane? What's wrong with you!?
Jane: [hitting John] You're what's wrong with me!
John: It was a drunken Vegas thing.
Jane: Oh, that's better! That's much better! [pause] What's her name and social security number?
John: No, you're not gonna kill her.Jane: You deviated from the plan.
John: The plan was flawed.
Jane: The plan was not flawed.
John: Anal.
Jane: Organized.
John: Jane, 90% of this job is instinct.
Jane: Well, your instinct set off every alarm of the building.
John: My instinct got the job done. It may not have been Jane Show...
Jane: No! It was John Show. It was half-assed. Like Christmas, like our anniversary, like the time you forgot to bring my mother's birthday present.
John: Your fake mother's birthday present.
Jane: The point is, you are always the first to break team.
John: You don't want a team. You want a servant to hire.
Jane: I want someone I can count on.
John: [sigh] Jane, there is no air around you any more.
Janeh: Oh, what is that supposed to mean?
John: That means there is no room for mistakes, whatsoever. No mistakes. No spontaneity. Who can answer that?
Jane: Well, you don't have to. Because this is not even a real marriage!
[brief ice cold silence]
Danz: Who are you people?
Jane: Shut up!![at the marriage counselor's office]
Counselor: At the scale of one to ten, how happy are you in this marriage?
Jane: [quickly] Eight.
John: Wait, is ten perfectly happy or...?
Counselor: Just respond instinctively.
John: [turns to Jane] You ready?
Jane: Yeah.
Together: Eight.


== Cast ==
Brad Pitt - John Smith
Angelina Jolie - Jane Smith
Vince Vaughn - Eddie
Kerry Washington - Jasmine
Adam Brody - Benjamin "The Tank" Danz
Keith David - Father
Chris Weitz - Martin Coleman
Rachael Huntley - Suzy Coleman
Michelle Monaghan - Gwen
Benton Jennings - Maitre'D
Stephanie March - Julie (Associate #1)
Jennifer Morrison - Jade (Associate #2)
Theresa Barrera - Janet (Associate #3)
Perrey Reeves - Jessie (Associate #4)
Melanie Tolbert - Jamie (Associate #5)


== External links ==

Mr. and Mrs. Smith quotes at the Internet Movie Database
Mr. and Mrs. Smith at Rotten Tomatoes