Battletoads is a beat 'em up video game featuring three anthropomorphic toads named after skin conditions (Rash, Zitz and Pimple).
== Battletoads (NES) ==
=== Level 1 ===
Professor T. Bird
"I've located the Gargantua, 'toads! She's hidden beneath the planet's surface!"
"Get ready, toads! Down to the surface on the turbo-cables!"
"Keep it movin' along the surface, 'toads! And watch out for the Psyko-Pigs!"
"Work your way along the surface, 'toads – and hurry! Pimple n' Angelica are in deep trouble!"
=== Level 2 ===
"So, Hookbill, your frogs did well! But let us see how they do against my birds of prey – pray the birds don't get them! Ha-ha-ha-ha...!"
"Arrrrgh! You've made porkmeat out of my Psyko-Pigs!"
"They'll never make it against my Saturn Toadtraps, you feathered freak!"
"Down into the dark, Battlejerks – and see how you fare against the Retro-Blasters!"Professor T. Bird
"Let's get mad, bad and crazy, 'toads! Use the turbo-cables to tackle that chasm!"
"Watch out, 'toads! There's bound to be a whole toad-load of trouble down in that crater!"
"It's a vertical drop for about a mile – and there are things movin' down there, so you better take care, 'toads..."
"Sensors indicate that the chasm descends for about a mile – watch out for booby traps!"
=== Level 3 ===
"Don't get too cocky, snotskins – there's plenty more where that came from!"
"So, you managed to avoid my traps, eh! Well, it takes a booby to beat a booby, I always say!"
"You're gonna have to get faster if you want to make it, Pond Patrol!"
"Give up now, before the Mutant Ratpack gets you, wart-heads!"Professor T. Bird
"Sensors indicate speed bikes dead ahead! Go get 'em, 'toads!"
"It's the need-to-speed from now on, 'toads!"
"Better step on it, 'toads – the Ratpack's hot on your heels!"
"You gotta be like green lightnin' if you're gonna make it through here, 'toads!"
=== Level 4 ===
"So the Rat Rockets didn't get you, huh! Well, the Ice Spikes certainly will!"
"You annoying frogs! I'll have you chopped up into a gourmet lunch and the pieces deep-frozen for eternity!"
"You play leapfrog well with those speed bikes, my green friends, but unfortunately, you can't take them with you!"
"Curse your warty hides! I'll bring down ice and fire upon your ugly heads!"Professor T. Bird
"Let's break the ice, 'toads! It's party time!"
"You're gonna be slip-slidin' away, 'toads, if you don't watch your step!"
"Brrr! It's cold enough down there to freeze the yarbles off a Zalladian Behemoth!"
"I'm getting sub-zero readings nearby! So hang loose, 'toads – anything could happen in there!"
=== Level 5 ===
"You know what they say, don't you – out of the frying pan and into the surf!"
"Watch out for the breakers, Battlebarf! Because they're going to break you into little green pieces!"
"Oh, you're gonna be surfin' – surfin' D.O.A.! That's dead on arrival, Pond Patrol!"
"When I say there's going to be a wipe-out down there, you can bet on it, Prattletoads!"Professor T. Bird
"Surf's up, 'toads! Let's kick those spaceboards into action!"
"You're doin' great, 'toads! The Dark Queen will be foamin' at the mouth when you ride through this little number!"
"Don't worry 'bout it, 'toads, 'cuz the Dark Queen don't surf!"
"Hang ten, 'toads! Surf City, here we come!"
=== Level 6 ===
"Is it true that the toad's greatest enemy is the snake? Well, we'll soon see! Ha-ha-ha-ha...!"
"Give it up, toadies! You'll never make it past the giant snakes!"
"Take it from me, swampbreath, you won't be going any further!"
"What?! You've made it through?! I'll make you pay for your impudence!"Professor T. Bird
"Time to grab a piece of tail, 'toads – and hang on tight!"
"Watch out, 'toads! Sensors indicate somethin' long and slippery slitherin' toward you!"
"Slither up outta there, 'toads! You're gonna have to scale the cavern to find the exit!"
"Yee-ha! Ride them snakes, toadboys!"
=== Level 7 ===
"So, you think you're hot, huh, 'toads!? Well, it looks like it's going to get hotter down there – much hotter!"
"C'mon, Toadies, light my fire!"
"Burn, Toadies, burn!"
"You're good, I'll give you that – good enough to burn!"Professor T. Bird
"Looks like the Dark Queen's got a warm reception planned for the Battletoads!"
"Things are really heatin' up down there, 'toads!"
"Wow, 'toads! You'll be really hot and bothered by this little sizzler!"
"Better jet your way outta this one, 'toads!"
=== Level 8 ===
"The Gargantua won't be a pushover, Wartbodies, it's far too big for that!"
"I can't believe you've gotten this far! Prepare yourselves for a sticky green end, Toadies!"
"You may think the heat's off, slimebacks. Well, think again, because there's plenty more where that came from!"
"The higher you climb, swamp scum, the further you'll fall!"Professor T. Bird
"The only way is up, 'toads – so let's go for it!"
"When the goin' gets tough, the 'toads get goin'! Up and at 'em, guys!"
"You 'toads are definitely movin' up in the world!"
"Sensors indicate you've accessed a duct in the Gargantua! Be careful, 'toads!"
=== Level 9 ===
"You 'toads are definitely asking for it, and since I don't want to disappoint you, here it comes – your timely demise!"
"Now, that makes me mad. And when I get mad, I get nasty. And when I get nasty, I usually end up maiming something – like you, f'rinstance!"
"Well, well, well – fancy seeing you here! What an unpleasant surprise!"
"Don't get too confident, wartybottoms, because I can assure you that you won't be going any further!"Professor T. Bird
"We're making good headway, 'toads – don't let up now!"
"It's a maze in there, 'toads! So, keep a cool head, and you'll be okay!"
"Go through the steel spaghetti, 'toads – and watch out for booby traps!"
"I'm getting a whole load of weird readings on the sensors, so, take care, 'toads!"
=== Level 10 ===
"Rest assured, wartfeatures, the next level's gonna go like a bomb! Ha-ha-ha-ha...!"
"Okay – c'mon and make my day, Toadies!"
"Your arrogance would annoy me, Battlebarf, if it wasn't for the fact that you're going to be bombing out very soon!"
"You shall pay for your impertinence, slimeheads – with your lives!"Professor T. Bird
"Get ready, 'toads! You gotta race the rodent and defuse the bomb!"
"Hey, 'toads! You have three bombs to defuse before the Ratpack blows us all to Toad-Heaven!"
"Put on your running shoes, 'toads, and race the rat to the bomb at the bottom!"
"The bomb's at the bottom, so get ready, 'toads – and come on down!"
=== Level 11 ===
"Curse your green hides! You've done it again!"
"Up and down and around they go, but where they fry, only I can know!"
"Oh, no! The bombs are all defused, and the wartheads are still alive!"
"Pretty spunky, 'toads – but it isn't over yet!"Professor T. Bird
"Hold on tight and get ready for a fight! The Battletoads are outasight!"
"Get a grip, guys! Let's motivate!"
"It's time to travel on the Clinger-Winger, 'toads!"
"There's a crazy roller-coaster comin' up, 'toads! So, keep a cool green head!"
=== Level 12 ===
"Welcome to the Revolution, Battlejerks! This is where you lose your heads!"
"Top of the world, Toadies! Come and get me if you dare!"
"Nooooo! I can't believe you swamp scum have made it this far! I can see I'm going to have to get nasty!"
"Come to the tower, boys, and let's see what you've got!"Professor T. Bird
"Things are lookin' up from here on, 'toads! And I do mean up!"
"Well, it's one small step for a 'Toad, one giant leap for toadkind! Go for it, guys!"
"Let's make like the green machine, guys, and motor on up to the top of the tower!"
"Holy Hip-hop, 'Toads! The Dark Queen's at the top of the tower just waiting to be creamed!"
=== Game Over ===
Professor T. Bird (continuing after game over)
"Whad'ya' mean 'bad scene'? I'll give ya' bad scene if you don't get back here with Pimple and Angelica!"
"Phew! That was painful to watch! Okay, practice is over, guys, let's go for it this time!"
"What the frog's goin' on, 'toads?! Get back there and fry the pork!"
"Yes! The Dark Queen just phoned to say she sent you home, because you obviously weren't feeling too good!"Dark Queen
"Ha! Just as I predicted. A complete and utter victory for the home side, and a hopeless failure for the beak and his quaggy croakers! This domain belongs to me! Ha-ha-ha-ha...!"
"Was that really the best you can do! Mmmm! I wonder what roast vulture and frogs' legs taste like!? Mmm!...Chomp!...Crunch! Chew! They...Mmmm...taste...Mm-hmm-good..."
"Ha-ha-ha-ha...! Care to try your luck again? - 'Cuz it's only luck that got you this far, swampbreath!"
"Oh, dear, how unutterably sad. You lose and I win. You 'toads couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag!"
=== End of game ===
"I guess you slippery suckers think you're pretty hot stuff, huh? Well, you don't cheat the Dark Lady that easily! Till next time, Cattle Loads!"
"What?! I lost! This can't be! I'm the Dark Queen! Wrong is better than right, dark is stronger than light! Grrrr! I hate you, Battletoads! I'm outta here!"
"No! This can't be true! My entire defense system, beaten by a couple of mucus-lobbing slime-jackets! Better disappear, real quick, before something really nasty happens! Adios, Fountain Freaks!"
"Robo-Manus? Blaggie! Speak to your queen! Have those vile slush-hoppers crushed your craniums...? Well, don't worry – I'll restore you both. You snot gobblers will pay for this!"Professor T. Bird
"Wow! You guys oughta bottle that skill and charisma – you'll make a fortune!"
"Whoo! Alright guys! There's nothin' like the sweet smell of success to clear out those clogged sinuses!"
"Okay, let's break out the sodas and junk-food – It's party time!"
"Waydigo, 'toads! The big guy's back and the princess is saved!"
== External links ==